Love Yourself First
As we approach Valentine's Day, the traditional day of love, I
cannot stop thinking of the importance of self-love. One of my
favorite philosophers, Joseph Campbell, said "as we love
ourselves, we move toward our own bliss." Even though
Valentine's Day is the day of love, it is often filled with
expectation and disappointment whether we are in a relationship
or not. My thought is: what would happen if we would broaden the
concept of Valentine's Day to be about self-love and self-care?
Then we could take positive steps towards creating a day of
fulfillment and potentially bliss.
In the past year, I have made the step towards bliss by
recreating what I do, which is personal life coaching and career
coaching, and the one thing I have found with so many of my
clients is the difficulty of making a distinction between loving
oneself and being selfish. Somehow self-love and self-care are
viewed as being selfish and intertwined with guilt. Well, guilt
is a subject I know well. I grew up in New York City going to
Catholic School for nine years and lived in a Jewish
neighborhood. I call it my double guilt. I still have guilt from
time to time, but I recognize it for what it is. But, I was
lucky to receive an incredible gift of wisdom from my mother
that helped me realize the distinction between guilt,
selfishness and self-care. I don't remember exactly how she said
it, but she made it clear to me that my body is my temple, I am
responsible for taking care of it and I cannot trade it in for
another one. This little morsel of wisdom made me realize that
if I don't care of myself and love myself than I cannot love
anyone else or take care of anyone else.
I am now a 42-year old mother of a beautiful three year old boy
and I hope to pass on my mother's wisdom . While I was growing
up, this wisdom kept me concentrated on sports and not smoking,
on love and not drugs, on curiosity and not recklessness. So as
approach this holiday of love, what would happen, if we took
Joseph Campbell's wisdom, combined it with my mother's advice
and applied it to our adult lives? What would that look like for
each of us? How would we focus our attention to achieve
self-love and self-care? Each of us needs to decide what
self-love and self-care is for us - maybe it's regular massages,
maybe it's forgiving ourselves for the past and loving ourselves
just as we are. Here are some questions to help you create your
own definition: * What do you love about yourself? * What are
your special gifts? * How do you treat yourself? * What do you
love to do and when was the last time you did it? * How do you
take care of the body temple you have right now? * What would it
take for you to love yourself and take care of yourself not only
on Valentine's Day but every day of the year?
Love opens all possibilities. I am convinced that if we all
really loved ourselves and took the responsibility of taking
care of ourselves, then all of our relationships would benefit -
whether it is with our lovers, mothers, fathers, daughter, sons,
or friends. Self-love is the path to bliss and healthy
relationships. So, take time this month to be a great lover to
yourself. I am sure you will not be disappointed.