Only Eighteen Inches To Happiness

A long, long time ago in an earlier part of my life now far, far away I considered writing a book called Being Apparent - Being A Parent. It was inspired by my own experiences in raising my children and affirmed by a book by Wayne Dyer, "What Do You Want for Your Children". If you haven't read it, DO! It remains a foundational cornerstone that supports my passionate quest to inspire and motivate happier living for all of us. I found his book to be, for me, one of those 'rock your soul and fuel your hope" that I returned to often. It finally made me feel that I was not crazy, but rather grateful I had questioned and sometimes challenged traditional child-rearing beliefs as I raised my girls. It gave words and form to many of the intuitive strategies I was attempting to implement guided by my by intuition when I lacked a mentor. It acknowledged the fortune of my tenacity amidst a culture that still operated by the residue belief that children were to be seen and not heard, did not have deep feelings, and when all else failed were to be frightened or spanked into compliance. It articulated my values and captured the "it" I had been longing for when I ineffectively attempted to get the emotional attention of my parents in my childhood. Although there are many strategies, concepts, and intuitive steps that can be taken in raising a healthy and happy child, I knew from my own experiences echoed by Wayne Dyer that the most important ingredients of raising children to be responsible, productive, and loving was to consistently offer them age appropriate parameters and to be apparent with room for mistakes rather than right, dominant, and correct. The key to raising children who were self-sufficient from the inside out rather than compliant from the outside in was to be me, authentically and consistently. My role was to model my love, my mistakes, my problem solving highs and lows and expose my process. I had to be willing to demonstrate the process of life. I knew to my core that if I were to trust my own heart and be who I truly am in a responsible way, I would effectively guide them to define their own path with the courage to be their authentic selves.. With my beautiful and amazing daughters grown, now facing their own growth stretches, victories, and personal doubts with the courage and grace, I felt called to suspend work on my Being Apparent - Being A Parent book project and move toward a bigger and compatible dream. Nudged along by the passing of both of my parents, I was called forward by the desire to address what I believed to be at the root of a growing global despair and depression... a learned unhappiness, the lack of knowing and accepting the magnificence of who we authentically are, and a passionate understanding of what we are here to give. If we were to drop our fears and learned mis-beliefs, return to a present moment focus, and were to get back to our essence, we would instinctively and innately parent our children and parent ourselves in a loving manner. However, the things that are so simple often are not easy. Many of us remain asleep in our consciousness, attached to our comfort zone or a prisoner of our guilt, or at least nap from time to time. We cling to what we know and what is 'safe' with a distorted view of who we really are. We become attached to a limited life by seeing ourselves as a human doing rather than a human being, even though these guidelines no longer works for us. As a matter of fact, they cause the disease and distraction that prevents the happiness we clamor for. One definition of insanity is to do try over and over again what has already proven not to work. Happiness requires the courage to take a route less traveled. To make the journey, we must stay awake and alert at the wheel of life. It requires that we willingly develop, rather than back-up from, the skills to maneuver rough roads. The road becomes manageable when we apply strategies like turning into the curve during a spin out, and release old habits and addictions, It calls us to move forward, for if we back up into our past, severe tire damage may occur. It teaches us to go with the flow of traffic rather than over-extend in the fast lane. Dedicated to the true meaning of happiness we expand our ability to look for signs and read the map, enhancing our ability to recover from a detour or find our way to a specific destination. If we are to move forward, we must see the importance of refueling our spirit and attending to the mechanical well being of our inner and outer vehicle. And, an apparent life invites us to appreciate the spiritual wonders of the scenic routes and rest stops, doing so more consciously because we have known the potholes, curves and breakdowns. It is said that the longest and most challenging journey of life is only about eighteen inches. It is the journey from our head to our heart. We must dare to live an apparent life if we are to stop getting in our own way and genuinely surpass the roadblocks that keep us from our own joy, sense of satisfaction, and self worth. If our true intention is to create an authentic and balanced life, we must crawl out of our old rut and define a new route. If we are to feel confident that we are raising children prepared to handle the perplexities of life with grace and compassion, we must embrace our own hero's/heroine's journey with a willing enthusiasm to do what ever is called for with renewed faith in the adventure. There are many obstacles on the road of happiness that, as an isolated event, can be seen as something to avoid rather than face, especially if allow ourselves to be run over by our old thought patterns. But if we refresh the quality of our thinking and choose to see the bigger picture focused on the present moment, noticing all that is good, and trusting that all is well, we ADOPT A HIGHWAY (a broader perspective). From this vista the setbacks offer perspective and opportunity. Both the highs and lows of our human journey can then be recognized and welcomed as the teachers who are there to expand our appreciation, tenacity and joy. What a gift it is for all of us, and our children, to know that we are responsible for our own happiness, and that we can be resiliently happy regardless of our circumstances. Copyright 2006, all rights reserved Reprint permission is granted to publish this article electronically or in print if the contact information signature box is included in publication.