Say Goodbye to Struggle
Copyright 2006 Marshall House
Struggle is a common expectation in our society. We tend to plan
for it, anticipate it, and invite it into our lives. It has
become so familiar that we often push away joy or peace or
harmony, declaring such experiences to be unreal or temporary or
frivolous.
Many folks tend to feel more alive when they are struggling
against something. Work groups and whole organizations are
established to compete -- a form of struggle -- against
something. War and violence are glamorized. War against war is
still war. Ill health is considered routine. Senility is the
prospect of advanced years. Suffering is considered noble.
Whether we struggle against struggle or resign ourselves to
struggle, we are in struggle.
And so Now, to You....
Let's move from the collective "we" and the impersonal
"they/many" to you and your inner self and outer behavior.
Consider how you struggle. Knowing how you struggle will assist
you in replacing your pattern with different behavior. You may
also find it helpful to reflect on what you struggle against,
but I caution you about lingering there too long. It is too easy
to fall into the trap of explaining or blaming the "what"
against which you struggle. Your struggle is not about the other
person or thing; your struggle is about you.
So pick something real in your life that you struggle against,
just to give yourself a laboratory. It may be some little
annoyance, such as a spouse's dirty socks on the floor or wet
lingerie in the shower stall. Or you may select something work
related, such as a co-worker's competence or an assignment you
dread. For the purpose of this initial exercise, select an issue
that you classify as a small to medium concern. Practicing on
something real but not overwhelming will give you courage to
explore something you consider a major struggle.
Bring this idea or issue into your mind and feel the feelings.
You may find it helpful to close your eyes to stay focused on
the task. What does the struggle feel like? What sensations do
you feel in your body and where do you feel them? What emotions
do you feel and how do you feel them? Hear what you say about
this issue to yourself. What does the resistance/struggle sound
like? What color is the struggle? How big or small is the
struggle?
Identify all the reactions and signals and sensations and
feelings and emotions that you can. Try not to deny anything
that comes into your awareness as you read this. How does your
neck feel? Your shoulders? Your stomach? Do you feel agitated or
impatient? Are you fascinated by the sensations? Do you want to
do something else?
How you respond to these questions suggests how you respond to
struggle in other parts of your life. While you may want to
believe that this is just a hypothetical exercise, it is not. It
is a real exercise, one that can train your awareness and all
the muscles in your being to choose responses other than
struggle. It is helpful to know how you struggle if you wish to
change your pattern.
Goodbye; Graduation
Often when I talk to people about "holding on" and "letting go"
I experience their resistance. What variety! (And, yes, I
experience my own resistance, my own brand of struggle, which
helps me to speak with greater authority on the subject.) In
certain situations in our culture we celebrate goodbyes or
endings well.
Graduations are endings we tend to do well. Graduations are also
recognized as beginnings. Yet, so too, are all endings! That is
the point. When we say goodbye to something that we no longer
want or need or when we say goodbye to someone who is ready to
leave, a space opens for something or someone else. This is a
process, not a linear sequential set of cause and effect steps.
However, if you find it easier to perceive this process as
linear, do so.
So, are you ready to graduate from the School of Struggle? If
you choose to stay longer, you will continue to learn. That is
guaranteed. Keep in mind, though, that you are likely to learn
and re-learn and re-learn again the same lessons. Other schools
await your enrollment. The School of Joy. The School of Peace.
The School of Abundance. The School of Love. The School of
Health. The School of Laughter. The School of Enlightenment. The
School of Mastery.
Entrance exams are simple: Give up struggle for freedom, fear
for love, illness for health, pain for joy, hopelessness for
mastery, etc. Say goodbye to those experiences you have
completed or to those persons whose relationships with you have
ended. You will not be able to stay in The School of Joy if you
hold onto struggle -- you will be expelled or asked to take a
leave of absence. Merely enrolling in The School of Love is not
enough, you must practice unconditional love and not cut classes
to get intimate with fear. You can stay in these schools even
though you occasionally fail an exam or re-visit your old
school. The principals/principles of these schools are
infallible; the teachers, exacting and loving.
Goodbye Party
Our joyous goodbyes often prompt us to give a party, a
celebration. We do this on New Year's Eve: to say "goodbye" to
the old year and "hello" to the new one. We do this for school
graduations: to celebrate the ending of education in one
institution and recognize the rite of passage to another
institution or the military or the "real world" as we are fond
of saying. We do this for retirements, sometimes accompanied by
the gold watch: to honor the work place contributions and
welcome the retirement years.
So, why not create a Goodbye Party for Struggle? You may prefer
to have a Hello Freedom Party, instead. However, if you need to
say goodbye or thank something or someone who has been with you,
focusing on the goodbye or graduation party will be useful. You
will not be successful claiming "all is well" or "life is good"
while fierce anger or pain or unresolved issues are dominant in
you. Celebrate the passage.
If struggle has been your friend, give a going away party or a
hello freedom party to celebrate the release of this energy.
Thank struggle for being a teacher. Make the party your unique
event: buy balloons or not. Celebrate your party alone or with
friends. Let an object represent the struggle and release the
object to the trash or a fire or the great outdoors. Use rituals
that have meaning for you. Welcome in the new opportunity.
Goodbye, Struggle, goodbye.