I Hate Valentine's Day!
I'll be honest. I hate Valentines Day with a royal passion. I
always have. I guess it started in grade school when all the kid
would exchange valentines cards- you know, those little cards
that say To: and From:
I seldom received one and I never really gave any away, either.
At that young and impressionable age, to not receive Valentines
cards, is it any wonder so many adults have relationship and
self esteem problems?
During my teen years, there were the usual high school
sweethearts walking through the halls, holding hands, sharing
lockers, spending every free moment together, cheering each
other on in their separate after school activities. Sure, I
dated a few guys. Some really cute ones. But it never felt
right.
As teens, we don't know enough about the world, or ourselves for
that matter, to fully understand that it is okay to be alone; we
do not have to be constantly linked to another being to define
ourselves as a person. Unfortunately, society has other ideas
and too many young people are gullible enough to believe those
ideas.
I made it through my teens having received few Valentines,
though I so wanted something- anything! By the time I turned
nineteen and joined the Army, all I wanted was someone to be
with; someone for me.
Years later as I look back in reflection, I ask myself why I
wanted someone so bad. The answer I kept coming back to was that
I had not taken the time to really get to know me.
In the Army, I met a fellow soldier and married him. During
those first few months, I really adored him and wanted to marry
him. We hit a rough patch, and he went back to an old
girlfriend. My feelings for him began to wane, partly because we
were on separate Army posts, and partly because I was finally
beginning to learn about myself.
When his relationship soured, he came back, and I did take him
back. I found I still loved him, and still wanted to marry him,
but at that point, I would have married Hugh Heffner had he
asked.
We married, and our relationship changed in that moment. Four
months later- our first Valentines as husband and wife- found us
simply exchanging token cards and grunting at each other, even
though I was pregnant with our first child.
Fast forward, three years and another child- and woman- later,
and we divorced. I was so relieved! Sure, I was hurt at being so
easily replaced but by then I realized I really didn't want to
be married to him, or anyone.
Still, as each inevitable roll of the calendar to yet another
Valentine's Day, I found myself feeling down, hurt, sometimes
angry, fed up. Why, I would ask myself- why? I had determined
since my divorce, and several subsequent failed short
relationships that I prefer to be alone, and that, due to the
high strung and insanely neurotic and jealous person I am, need
to be alone- and stay alone. I need solitude to sort through the
constant chaos which swirls neverending through my mind, and to
have to worry about someone else and what they're doing, well...
no thanks.
So why do I hate Valentine's Day so much? The answer is quite
simple, really.
Society dictates that relationships are everything. If you
aren't with someone, you're no one; you must not be worthy if
you cannot attain and/or sustain a relationship.
I'm proof positive that's just not so. But when I think back to
my grade school days when the other boys and girls were
gleefully reading each coveted Valentine's card as I sat at my
desk, lonely and alone, and to my high school days, watching
sweethearts be sweet with each and wanting that too, the
memories of how I felt during those times wash over me anew.
When we don't receive Valentine's gifts, we're made to feel no
one loves us, or cares for us. Even for a hermit like me, it
feels good knowing that maybe someone cares. But I don't need a
hastily bought gift or wilted flowers, or a generic card that a
million other women will also receive to let me know someone
does care for me.
And I certainly don't want- nor expect- anyone to dig deep in
their pockets to remember they love me for one day, yet forget
about letting me know that for the rest of the year!
When my animals lick my hand, and when my children wrap their
arms around my neck and hug me tight, every day is Valentine's
Day and that's all I need.