Coping with Tantrums
Tantrums are never easy to deal with and push parents to their
limits of patients. It often seems to be that parents of
children with social difficulties have a harder job because
tantrums are either more frequent, unpredictable or harder to
bring under control.
The Difficulties
Children with social difficulties can be very difficult to calm
down when they have a tantrum because they have less of an
understanding of things going on around them. This makes things
like discipline very difficult because you are constantly weary
that saying 'no' to even the slightest of things can develop
into a dramatic tantrum.
Certainly the tantrums are less predictable or triggered by what
people would generally consider 'no big deal'. This means that
when your child has a tantrum over something very slight such as
a meal they don't like, it becomes very difficult for parents
and carers to sympathise and empathise. To you it is a perfectly
reasonable thing to cope with.
When a tantrum does occur, it can be very difficult to bring
under control. Parents can be left feeling shocked by the length
of time a tantrum has lasted or by the amount of anxiety,
frustration or aggression the child was feeling. Most of all, it
can be very disheartening to see their apparent lack of being
able to reach their own child to calm them down.
Another difficulty parents have is when they are in public
places and their child has a tantrum, it is staggering to see
other people looking at disgust at the parents who are
immediately branded as bad parents to let their child get to
that state.
Its not only members of the public but also uninformed
professionals and medical practitioners who believe children are
always a result of their parents.
Causes of Tantrums
Although it may feel that children with social difficulties have
tantrums at the slightest problem, the causes of their tantrums
can be a little more complex than it first appears. Tantrums are
a product of some form of frustration, anxiety, anger etc. The
causes of these behaviors can be extremely varied.
Some children have tantrums because they are unable to
communicate what they want or express their feelings in any
other way. Furthermore, they may have difficulty in
understanding what they are being told. The use of picture cards
may help overcome some of these problems. It is also essential
to keep your language clear and brief and to emphasis important
words.
Some children have great difficulty with their senses such as
the feel of their clothes, the taste of their food. These
uncomfortable senses make them feel uneasy and lead to built up
stress if they cannot sort the problem out themselves.
Some causes of anxiety come from activities or planned events
they have had problems with in the past. For example, the tennis
teacher made them feel uncomfortable and knowing they have to go
again causes them distress.
Problems can also occur from lack of sleep, a drop in their
blood-sugar levels, an allergy to certain foods and the list
goes on and on.
Parents and carers must also remember that most of the time
their children do not realise themselves what is causing them to
feel uncomfortable
What to do
Try to get as much information as possible when tantrums happen.
Try to think of all the things that may have been the cause. Try
talking to others e.g. teachers or other carers for the child to
see what their experiences were and if there are any common
issues that could lead to tantrums.
The best thing to encourage is communication to get the child to
tell you or indicate in some way what they think is causing them
distress. Try to coach them into knowing when something is
making them feel bad. Then help them to tell you and give you
the chance to sort it out first.
If a child is non-verbal it would be helpful to teach a child to
initially point or take an adult's hand to items they want. This
will reduce the frustration of not having some of their needs
met. This will also help if they can point to things that are
distressing them.
Support
Don't underestimate the value of support groups close to you.
Parents should feel comfort in there being many thousands of
other parents that understand what you have to deal with. Often
talking to other parents with children with social difficulties
helps a lot so that you can see you are not the only one. It
helps when you are out in public places and other people see you
dealing with a child with social difficulties obviously don't
understand the difficulty