Boundaries - Not Just for Military Takeovers Anymore
In December, I took two weeks vacation at home.
I repeat, I took two weeks vacation at home; I didn't go
anywhere. I stayed put.
I think it's very important to take a vacation at home, and I
don't mean just for a day or two. That doesn't really do it.
When you're at home for an extended period of time, and you're
not working, you get perspective on what your normal, everyday
life is like when you are working - whether that's working in
the home or outside the home.
What this perspective showed me and what I have learned is
monumental and has actually spurred me on to make great changes
in my life and in my business.
Things that I thought were okay, really weren't. For example, my
girls are pretty self-sufficient when it comes to homework. They
do their homework, practice their piano lessons, and read their
requisite chapters after school. All I'm really required to do
is to monitor, yell "Time!" when the required 20 minutes of
reading is over, check over homework answers, and make sure that
all homework is completed. I don't need to sit there and watch
them do each problem. So, I became a little complacent and began
filling in this "free" time doing work.
Sure, I could have gotten away with working. I was available if
the kids needed me. But I was missing out on something - time
away from work and enjoying this quiet, yet busy, homework time
with my kids.
It might have been okay for them (the girls really didn't need
me to be right there, and I could get some work done), but it
wasn't okay for me. It meant that I was spending all my energy
around working - "Oh, I can work at this time, and this time,"
and "I can shove this in here." That boundary around work and
home had started to slip, and this vacation showed me that I
needed that boundary so I could enjoy my whole life.
Do you know what I did during homework time on my vacation? I
quilted while girls did piano practice. I folded laundry while
they did their math problems, and I read while they read.
I had been missing out on this (okay, maybe I wasn't really
missing out on folding laundry, but it did feel good to get it
done). And I decided that I don't want to miss out on it. I need
time away from work. So, I have to put up my boundaries again
and defend them - from myself.
This reminds me of our wonderful pediatrician, Dr. Mella (who I
hope is around forever, or at least until my younger daughter
turns eighteen), who explained to us years ago that kids act out
so that parents can set those boundaries to make their world a
little smaller and a little safer. Our toddler needed
boundaries, rules, and limits to rein in this world that just
kept getting bigger for her. Set a limit, put a boundary on it,
and the world seems manageable for her again.
Well, the hard thing for us parents is that there isn't anyone
who can put those boundaries in place for us. It's up to us to
keep the boundaries intact and strong. We have to do it
ourselves. And that can be hard. It's much easier to go along
with the way things are and be unhappy or complain.
So, the happy ending (which is really a beginning) is that when
I came back to work after Christmas, I refortified my
boundaries: my workday ends at 3:00 p.m. when the girls come
home, there will be no quick checking of e-mail, and on those
days in which we don't have piano lessons or gymnastics to go
to, I'm quilting while they practice their piano songs.
As a matter of fact, I'm looking at my entire business, and I'm
in the process of restructuring it so that it's easier for me to
keep those boundaries in place.
My goal is that I don't have to wait until next Christmas to
have some space and enjoy my time at home. I want that every day
of the year.