The Art of Death
There are things in life that I may never want to happen. There
are things that I will try to hide from, try to keep away. There
is though only one thing I fear, and that is death. I'll know no
other fear like I will know the fear of death.
Death is the darkest thing in existence. It is the worst pain
in life, the deepest of sad thoughts, and most haunting of any
truth. It is the one thing in life that may never be answered;
it can not be answered. No mortal will ever know what death is
really, all we will know is that we all fall victim to its
power. Even then, we may never know what death is.
I don't know what to think of death. When I was little, I
believed in God and didn't think of death. Then I didn't believe
in God and I feared death. As I grew older, I didn't believe in
anything and I questioned death. Now I believe in everything and
I respect death. I still fear it. I fear Death more than words
can say, but I have a respect for it, a kind of respect that
comes with understanding life.
My fear of death comes from not knowing what it means to die.
The answer isn't something a mortal can know, but it is
something I seek. A part of me accepts that I can't find the
answer while I live, but I still search for it. It's a sin to, a
sin against life, but I can't help it. I am tainted with my want
for the truth, but also driven by this want. It feeds my
knowledge, creates my wisdom, and gives me inspiration.
Maybe there is afterlife after death. Maybe there is a God and
a Heaven, a devil and a hell. Maybe there is a Buddha, or
another god, or something greater. Maybe there is the Elysian
fields and Hades waiting for those who die, or maybe there is a
quiet and serene realm for souls to go when death comes. I hope
there is afterlife, not just for my sake, but more for everyone
else's sake. I am living a good life, but for those that die
young, who die in such sad ways, in wars and tragedies, they
deserve afterlife. Everyone deserves afterlife. No one deserves
death.
I fear, though, that afterlife may not exist. Afterlife is hard
to explain. It makes sense that it should exist, but yet sense
that it shouldn't. It seems fit to say that either could exist
after life. I don't think many can understand what no afterlife
would be like; I myself can barely fathom it. It's no existence,
no being, lost forever. It is the darkest feeling and knowledge
if true, or just a good laugh if not. It scares me to think that
this might be the answer, that all this time I have been looking
for truth in death and it is standing right in front of me. If
so, it is the darkest shadow my eyes will ever set gaze upon.
I fear death, but I also fear fading. I don't want to live a
life of no purpose, just so one day I can die. So many people
live and die, fading away, forever lost from mortal
acknowledgement. I don't want that. I don't want to be famous
either. I want to touch lives before I die. I want to have a
purpose, a reason for life and a reason for death.
I use to think that we all should die at a certain age, that
everyone should live evenly, but I know that is pointless. I now
just hope that we all die at a certain point in our lives, a
point where we are not afraid of death, where we can accept it
for the beauty that it does bring. It seems like it doesn't
happen. With so many people dying at such different ages and
times in their lives, it seems like many have not accepted
Death. Maybe inside they have, deep inside. Even they may not be
aware of it. That is what I can hope for. Nothing can take away
my hope, not even death.
Death justifies nothing and answers nothing. It is not
something that a mortal can give out, can justify as the right
thing to do. It is Nature's own child, and only Nature and life
can give death, not mortals.
When I think about it, I am reminded of that line from a Queen
song: "Mama, I don't want to die. Sometimes I wish I'd never
been born at all."