An Archive of Thought
The mind is important in that it's the recorder of our lives.
It stores all we will ever know as memories. These are beautiful
things that can be used in both evil and good ways. While we
should learn from our memories, reflecting on them in
understanding that we are mortal, we are also scared of our
pasts and events that have held dark meanings. We'd like to
think that we have control of what we want to remember and how
to remember it, but our mind is more powerful than many give
credit for.
I have two memories that I can claim as my oldest, though I am
unsure which is indeed the older. The first is the image of
myself being in a hospital, in a crib in a corner, with other
kids in the room. I can remember leaving the hospital in a wheel
chair. This was for my hernia operation. The other memory is an
image of a church, the inside large and beautiful, and me
sitting with my aunt and uncles. I was told that this was the
funeral of my great grandmother.
I could ask my mother which is older, but I don't want to. Part
of the beauty of the memories is that I don't know which is
older, that I don't know when they are from. They are like
hallucinations that don't leave my head, but yet they are so
close to palpable. There is just something about not really
knowing them that makes them even more special. This can be one
of the greatest things about memories. They can span over our
lifetime and become so intertwined in who we are that they
become both past, present and future.
It's weird that we don't remember our earliest memories of
life. It makes sense in a way I suppose. Minds aren't all that
developed when we're born, so they are changing and losing
thoughts. But it's weird to live a part of your life and then
forget it. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't remember my early
years. When I look at photographs I can remember other events,
but these are the only two from such early on that are stuck in
my head without aid. . It's sad that we won't remember all our
memories, that they slowly fade from out thoughts with untouched
grace.
I don't know if it's my memories that spark it or my dreams,
but I get 'deja vu' almost everyday. There would be times when I
would be driving in a car, or playing somewhere, and I would be
overcome with a feeling of this already existing. It wasn't just
the place that would make it, but the actions of myself and
others, the presences of others, and the conversations around
me. It was like I had predicted these in my dreams. I could
never place the old feeling with it actually happening, but
rather with that of a dream. My mind plays tricks on me like
that. But maybe they aren't tricks, after all.