How a Manager Uses Emotional Intelligence Like Map Coordinates
If you've read my articles, you know I sometimes talk about
knowing your time zones. Sometimes we can get stuck in the past,
or treat current situations as if they were like something from
the past, or spend all our time dreaming about the future and
miss the opportunity that would get us the future we want.
For example, if you're stuck in the past, you'll automatically
despise the new red-haired male in the accounting dept because
the last red-haired male that worked there caused you a lot of
trouble, and you'll read all sorts of negative things into
anything the poor guy does or says, condemning him without a
trial! Well three's a magic number in another respect: in
addition to three time zones to deal with, we have three brains
to deal with. You could call the first one the "past" brain
because it's ancient, and focusing on survival. Called the
reptilian brain, because it's the only brain reptiles have, it
deals with very basic drives such as hunger, reproduction, basic
fear, and protection of territory. This is the former department
head who fell in lust with his secretary and, without regard to
consequences or corporate policy, had to pursue his urges. The
second brain (limbic) is in the present because it deals with
feelings - love, compassion, jealousy, frustration, etc. It's
also here that we can remember the past, which allows us to
learn from it. We share this brain with mammals, and you know
how you train your dog. It can remember that the last time he
did that, he got a swat on the nose, so he can learn.
The third brain is the thinking brain., the neocortex, which
only humans have and accounts for about 80% of our brain. The
neocortex allow s us to use foresight - looking into the future.
We can feel anger but not act upon it because we know there will
be negative consequences. Let's say the new marketing head
insults you. With this brain you can consider alternatives -
hitting, talking it out, ignoring it, verbal abuse, seeking
revenge, or resolving the incident like intelligent adults
(smile).
When you study emotional intelligence, you learn some
neuro-affective science (brain and emotions) and this gives you
reality coordinates, like on a map. A way to find your way
through the complicated territory of emotions.
How so? Let's say you've got an excellent employee, Marilyn,
who's apparently being "mobbed" by other members of the
department. You aren't sure what's going on but your instincts
tell you something's going on. The facts, what you get at brain
level 3 are: There's been tension in the department. Then an
employee, Natalie, complained to you about Marilyn, saying she
was cheating on the time clock, abusing cell phone use on
company time, and purposely sabotaging Natalie's work.
EEOC being what it is these days, you know you must investigate,
so you go in and ask Marilyn who denies everything and demands
what proof there is. You have know. It's she says, she says.
Where do you go from there?
Well, your gut tells you you've never liked Natalie, that she's
a hostile person and a trouble-maker, in a passive and sneaky
way. On the other hand, Marilyn has an excellent work record and
is a responsible, pleasant, conforming employee whom you have
always liked. Back up to the third level, the neocortex, you
consider alternatives, and possible consequences. You don't want
to lose Marilyn, and many people when so-confronted will leave.
You'd like to fire Natalie, which is possible in your
employment-at-will state, as long as it doesn't violate federal
laws, and as luck would have it, Natalie's in a protect minority
... but then so is Marilyn.
Back to the limbic brain, you recall how people like Marilyn act
when confronted. Hyper-responsible people often appear "guilty"
because they're so upset at being accused of wrong-doing. That
you've learned from years of being a manager, and you aren't
going to misread that one again. You know the non-verbals are
similar - squirming, twisting, fidgeting, wincing - but they
mean something entirely different. Furthermore, you suspect it's
an incidence of "mobbing" because of closed doors, whispering,
and other indications you've come to recognize as malicious
gossip and bullying. You know who goes to lunch together, and
who is ever-so-slightly insulted in meetings. You've been
watching it (neocortex) and following your instincts (reptilian)
but remaining open-minded (limbic) until you have more facts
(neocortex).
Emotional intelligence training helps you learn what comes from
which brain, and how it works. It allows you to understand and
manage your own emotions and those of others. It allows you to
read between the lines and not get sabotaged by your own
feelings. You're careful with this one, for instance, because
you really like Marilyn and really dislike Natalie, and in
fairness you must evaluate the facts without emotion.
Who to believe? About 7% of a message is communicated verbally,
35% through intonation and style, and over half through
nonverbals. You'll expect Marilyn to appear agitated, but
Natalie, who is cold and calculating, will probably be "closed"
and "hard to read." You also have to factor in the fact that
Marilyn has an IQ of about 140, while Natalie's is much lower.
If there is going to be retaliation (a normal human reaction),
Marilyn will be right-on when she does it, marshaling her
evidence and presenting it in a timely and intelligent manner.
Of course no names can be revealed to Marilyn, but anyone who's
attacked knows by whom. And Natalie, who may be mean, is not
very bright, and will probably tip her own hat if you don't fire
Marilyn which is what she wants and she wants what she wants
like a two year old (very low brain).
Meanwhile you go over what you learned in a diversity EQ
workshop and try to figure out what you learned about the
Natalie's ethnicity, without being stereotypical. You try and
anticipate reactions for the second round - who will cry, who
will shout, who will "hide". Whew! That's why managing is so
challenging and why you need EQ. You have to try and figure out
"the truth," follow state and federal law, do what's best for
the company despite your personal preferences, make sure you
aren't influenced by indigestion or a foul mood, and take the
information from your own emotions without being prejudiced in
your final decision.
The neocortex part is easy - you know the law - if you can mange
the emotional part. Negative emotions, such as being sick of
seeing this sort of thing happen to good employees, cloud
thinking and perception. In your last EQ workshop you learned
some tricks like putting yourself in a pleasant mood before
dealing with something like this. It allows for clearer
perception and more constructive problem-solving. And you
learned to breathe and count to ten when assaulted by angry
words, tears, or derision.
Emotional intelligence is theory that allows you to apply
principles to various real-life situations. After all, this is
today's problem. There will be a totally different sort of one
tomorrow, but the same meta-theory will apply - taking the
information from the emotions but using the neocortex to make
decisions about responses (if any); reading nonverbals; trusting
your gut feelings; not indulging in favoritism or diversity
stereotyping, and so forth. It's no wonder so many HR personnel
and managers are taking EQ training.