Ways to cope with Bereavement
Most traumas, including the death of a spouse are potentially
shattering experiences. These events can disrupt the survivor's
social, emotional, and cognitive worlds. Although there has been
frequent mention in the literature that traumatic situations
cause people to talk about their experiences most evidence has
been anecdotal. When someone within a social network dies,
members of the network are naturally drawn together. During the
grieving period especially within the first few days or weeks
the survivors socially share their emotions and memories with
each other.
Many of the discussion topics surround the individual who died,
of course, but funerals and grieving rituals often include the
social sharing of other personal and family histories. Although
researched conducted to date has not found compelling evidence
that social sharing leads to emotional recovery, our data
suggested that it may serve several other important cognitive,
psychological, and social functions.
Analysis and Recommendations for Steps to Handle The Loss of a
Spouse in the First Year. The roles we have within our social
networks are not often discussed or clearly defined. One of the
ironies of having a spouse die is that we openly discuss the
person, our feelings about him or her, and become conscious of
that person's influence on us. As far as it applies to
bereavement, the death of a loved one generally introduces chaos
in people's personal universe, which may end up in denial and in
alteration of the sense of reality. When bereaved individuals
socially share the loss of a loved one, the contribution helps
to give both the death itself and its consequences more reality.
A widow has to go through a lot when her spouse dies especially
when she is very young. The death of spouse very often
challenges our beliefs of a coherent, predictable, and
controllable world. The overwhelming emotions which result from
such challenges often drive individuals into a state of
cognitive business. They slip into a cycle of ruminative
thinking trying unsuccessfully to figure it all out. Based on
research, it is hypothesized that social sharing helps to
undermine this cognitive business cycle. This leads to predict
that emotional memories that were not shared would be associated
with higher cognitive needs than emotional memories that were
shared. This function of social sharing is also very relevant in
the context of bereavement.
Experiencing the death of a spouse, often shatters people's
basic beliefs that they live in an orderly, understandable, and
meaningful world. As a result, individuals frequently search for
some meaning or try to make sense out of their negative
experiences. Finding meaning in the loss of spouse is thought to
be one way for dealing with and adjusting to the event. Through
the use of social sharing, people can contribute to give both
the death itself and its consequences more sense and meaning.
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References:
Stroebe, W., Stroebe, M., Schut, H., Zech, E., & van den Bout,
J. (1997, June). Must we give sorrow words? Paper presented at
the Third International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in
Contemporary Society, Washington, DC.
Watson, D., & Pennebaker, J. W. (1989). Health complaints,
stress, and distress: Exploring the central role of negative
affectivity. Psychological Review, 2, 234-254.
Wortman, C. B., & Silver, R. C. (1989). The myths of coping with
loss. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57,
349-357.