Turbo Charge Your Love Life: Fantasy
We have our real, everyday life and we have our fantasy life,
playing out its details within our own minds. Men fantasize
about power and wealth but primarily, throughout their lives,
about sex. They see an attractive woman and imagine what it
would be like to make it with her. In a solid, warm
relationship, there is little likelihood that he will do
anything about it but he will always dream.
Female fantasies are more varied and change over time. As
teenagers and young women, we imagine the knight in shining
armor who will appear out of nowhere and whisk us off into a
life of unadulterated bliss. When we meet our partner, we
imagine building a life together and fantasize about children,
where we'll live, and what things we'll do together.
As we mature, we fantasize about our children and what they may
accomplish, and what career steps we will climb. And,
occasionally, we fantasize about what sex would be like with our
attractive doctor, the sales manager down the hall, or forbidden
sex with a total stranger.
Because our fantasies are so different, it is often difficult to
share them, even with the one who is so close to us. The common
fantasies of costume sellers and B movies: the French maid in a
barely-there apron, the harem dancer, the steamy tropical
atmosphere, seldom relate to our private inner visions. If our
fantasies differ, which is likely, we can increase our complete
involvement in our partner's life by occasionally participating
in the other's fantasy. Taking turns in setting the scene allows
us to share our inner world in a safe atmosphere where the risk
of such deep disclosure is minimized by mutual respect.
Describe your fantasy in depth as if you were the director of a
new stage play. You want your partner to see the drama in their
mind's eye and crawl inside the character you want them to play.
Explain the roles and the interaction you want to see, Explore
the details that make you feel aroused and excited.
Then act it out with a willingness to make adjustments when your
partner deviates from the script as will undoubtedly happen. If
you find it impossible not to laugh at aspects you find
uncomfortable or ridiculous, it's okay - laughter and fun have a
very big place in our sex lives which can self-destruct if taken
too seriously. Afterwards, you can discuss how each other felt,
what was pleasant and what was not.
If you both found enjoyment, mentally tuck it away as a strategy
to use periodically to heighten the excitement of future
love-making sessions. If it just didn't work at all for one of
you, discard it from further consideration.
After a period of time, the two of you will acquire a stable of
fantasy situations that you can roll out when you feel the need
for a different approach. They will become a vital part of your
communication patterns, both in bed and out.
Regardless of the number and intensity of the fantasies you are
able to mutually enjoy, the fact of trying, and vicariously
entering the mental world of your loved one, deepens your
relationship and the appreciation of your many differences. When
we feel that we know our partner completely, it is a major shock
to learn of inner visions we never even guessed about. It
returns us to the place where we are still exploring each other
and rekindles the emotions we felt when first learning more
about the one we love most in the whole world.