Turbo Charge Your Love Life: The Value of Change

We human beings seem to be pre-programmed for novelty. While we may be happy with the habits and routines we have established for ourselves, there always seems to be an undercurrent of yearning for something new. We are a society that constantly seeks out new ways to do things, new solutions to old problems, and new techniques to make our lives easier, more rewarding, or more fun. We continually develop new friendships and build new networks of contacts and acquaintances. Many of us flit from one relationship to another, eternally seeking the new and the different. Each time we are sure that we have found perfection; then the cracks in our hastily embraced partnership appear and we are off, pell-mell, to find someone new. Within an established, affectionate relationship, there is still that call for novelty no matter how muted the voice. We may elect not to risk the wonderful partnership we have by having an affair with an attractive stranger. Yet we feel the pull, the excitement, the "wonder-what-it-would-be-like" feeling when we encounter someone who makes us tingle. There are many of us who stray into a platonic but emotional affair or a whole-hearted love affair, so carried away by our excitement that we ignore its potential to topple the world we have so carefully crafted. How can we protect and sustain that world without becoming bored and stale, with a sense that we have been cheated out of a variety of experiences that would make us more well-rounded and complete? We learn to interject variety and new experiences into our life by the exposure of our hidden selves, the revelation of aspects of ourselves that have not yet seen the light of day. One of the most valuable attributes of a stable, monogamous partnership is the deep bond of trust that can only be developed over time and joint experience. We can then use that trust to allow us to risk ourselves as we never could in any situation which has potentially destructive elements. We are all so much more than we appear. We have multiple layers of personality that can be peeled back like a flower bud or an exotic fruit. Confidence in a positive and supportive response makes self-revelation an adventure rather than a dangerous risk. Within an affectionate union based on mutual respect, we can dare to be ourselves without fear of retribution or ridicule. The routine of our sexual contacts can be channeled in new directions by agreeing to find new ways of doing things and new approaches to aging habits. Most couples, after a while, fall into a limited number of, for example, positions. The sexual bible of the Hindu, the Kama Sutra, lists over a thousand positions for sexual intercourse, some very difficult, some probably painful for anyone other than a trained contortionist. It is unlikely that in one lifetime, a thousand positions would ever be necessary. However, an expansion of options from the four or five usually used can bring a rush of excitement and a fresh breeze to your standard love-making regimen. Some efforts may turn out to be real duds but can still generate shared laughter and more intense intimacy, no matter how ineffective in generating a mutual climax. Acquiring new positions and techniques can be accomplished through books and adult movies, now readily available in even mainstream film rental outlets, by mail, or through the Internet. Make such experimentation fun by only using it occasionally, as an adjunct to your core routines, a novelty recess. Relentlessly pursuing novelty, time after time, can interfere with the mutually satisfying bonds you have established over time.