Match Your Pace & How to Avoid the Big Trap - Dating Advice for
Men
One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they
date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and
unbreakable relationship. We must realize that men and women
think, act and decide differently. Women thoroughly relish the
long swelling waves of romancing that go up and down in their
minds. They feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated
while going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals. On the
contrary, men like less drama, less of emotional splurge and
more of stability, sailing in tranquility of a rock-steady
relationship.
What is the result of this mismatch of perspectives? You rush in
and latch on to the woman of your life - as if there is no
tomorrow - and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She
visualizes pain before pleasure. Spends time thinking of what
holds in future, thereby neglecting how she can hold on to the
present. Exclusivity, monogamy - women yearn for that - but all
at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is
decided by her.
It is therefore important to appreciate that both men and women
respond to different emotional clocks when it comes to
developing a relationship; the sense of timing is mutually
exclusive. The Big Trap is just this. You are in a hurry to
grab, and eventually fall out of the race - for no fault of
yours. Happening mostly to men who are a "One Woman Man" and who
date infrequently, women also are frequent victims of the Big
Trap, for they also wish to become a "One Man Woman" and are
monogamous by nature. Yet men who are cool about meeting and
dating many women - which I sincerely plead you to follow -
hardly fall into the Big Trap.
Your earnest desire is to bring an end to this tempestuous
"affair" associated with dating and stabilize the relationship -
none of the wildness of dating makes you happy - you want to go
steady with a single woman. Reasons are aplenty for such
behavior from men - seeking immediate but temporary monogamy.
Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong
assumptions of their minds and beliefs is surely one of the main
ones.
One more reason why men want to move fast is their restlessness
to delve into the "unknown". They hate to be kept in the dark
for too long. The eternal question: will she agree to sex, won't
she agree to sex, bores and irritates the man. And with every
passing day, the curiosity increases. If only such men knew the
pleasures of a single man, without any holdings, free of
emotional baggage - they would never get so stagnated and close
all doors to glorious opportunities, that lie hidden.
So what happens when you are a victim of The Big Trap? You need
to have a steady and stable relationship, as discussed above. As
you carry on meeting women, your adrenalin rises to a peak, you
get emotionally charged, yet with the lack of proper knowledge
or understanding of the woman's nature and expectations, you
fall flat. You gradually start to lose ground. That affects your
own sense of pride, self esteem. You start thinking romancing is
a self-defeating exercise.
This is where a vicious cycle sets in. The more you lose out on
women, the more you start hating not only yourself, but women
too. The Loser Boy visits you often in your thoughts and dreams.
It becomes impossible for you to improve upon your attitudes and
behavior because remember: failure breeds failure, exactly the
way success does. The miserable feeling amongst single men, is
inevitable.
Or, perhaps you might date for a little while, find someone who
doesn't quite enthrall you, but you settle for the "second best"
so to speak. Over a period of time, you start to realize, much
to your disappointment, that you have settled for mediocrity -
neither did you want this kind of woman, nor did you deserve her
type. She, in turn gets more and more possessive - because she
is also perhaps going through the same emotional drill as you
are - settling for the "second best". Physically may be
together, but mentally, you are far, far apart.
This kind of negativity overwhelms you and since the very nature
of such emotional upheavals is cyclical, it gets repeated over
and over again. By now you would have already developed a fixed
mindset: "Want to Get out of this soonest" - this very attitude
destroys you further. The more you hate the concept of dating
and meeting women, you are trying to evade the very process
designed to improve your expertise in the area and bring about
mental stability. It is time you thought like: "So many women,
so little time", as the wider and broader you make your choices,
the more your chances of meeting many, many women.
Unless you broaden your horizon about women and dating, falling
into the Big Trap will remain inevitable. Make women an "add on"
to your otherwise glorious life, rather than the "end all and be
all" of it. Don't make her the reason for your existence -
rather a small part of your existence. To ingratiate yourself
with this kind of mental outlook is first, gather information
(get empowered with knowledge), second, take the right decisions
(act on the knowledge) and third, bask in the glory of your
well-deserved success. Change the way you thought and acted till
now, and be the man of your dreams, the man you always wanted to
be.