When Do You Set Up First Dates?
When you set up early dates (first, second, etc.) with a woman,
do you schedule it for the end of the week or the beginning?
Evening or afternoon? Here are some ideas that will help you
make this choice:
Weekend evening dates (Friday, Saturday): these are the
west's most common dating time. They are also the most common
hunting time. The reason for this is that most people are ending
their work or school week and want to blow off some steam.
Further, since they don't have to work or go to school the next
day, it's often easier to stay out late at night. Likewise, we
learned early-on that we had to be in early on "school nights".
Recommendations: Set these up only for the "sure thing"; that
is, a woman that has shown only strong buying signals and is
already talking about your next steps. If you don't have a date
set up for this time, you might want to use it to meet with your
buddies or for dates with women you've been seeing for awhile.
Benefits: This is when you're most likely to get a date with a
woman as there are stigmas about being home on Friday and
Saturday nights without dates. Having dates on these evenings
tells her that you have a greater interested than just casual or
passing.
Down-sides: This is also the time that many women will
pre-schedule something in order to not feel "dateless". When you
go out on a weekend date, there are other expectations - from
both sides - and she'll have just as many walls as you have
moves. You'll likely have to spend more money that at any other
time as drinks and possibly dinner might be involved.
Early week evening dates (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday): This
is the least common time for first dates. Most people are just
getting into work or school mode and not necessarily thinking
about their love lives (unless they had an incredible date over
the weekend!) In general, most guys don't think about this as a
choice for setting up dates, but that may be a mistake in my
opinion.
Recommendations: These are good first date nights for someone
you meet via the Internet or through a blind-date situation.
Benefits: No expectations, no stigma. You come off as busy
because you don't have time on the weekends. Because most people
associate weekends with the time you're having fun, the initial
belief is that you're busy having fun - a great thing!
Down-sides: These can be difficult to schedule with some women
as they might not want to interrupt their work/school weeks. It
doesn't feel like "date night" and they might begin to view you
more like a friend.
Late week afternoon dates (Thursday, Friday): This is
also an uncommon time to schedule an early date. Most people
simply wait for the evenings instead of afternoons. You're
sending some very interesting, subtle messages here!
Recommendations: Great for early dates that you don't want to
appear to enthusiastic about (even if you are). Most people
aren't going to drink alcohol during these afternoon dates but
might opt for another drug of choice: caffeine via coffee or
soda. Thus, this is good for someone you're just scoping out and
might want to move ahead with later.
Benefits: This will help you to "shake things up" since it's
somewhat out of the ordinary. This will also give you a good
head-start on the weekend and if things click for you and her,
you might want to set the next follow-up date for the weekend
afternoon or evening.
Down-sides: If she recommends this time, it's a likely bet that
she has big weekend plans and your good rapport building and
connection work might be for naught.
Weekend afternoon dates (Saturday, Sunday): Dates
scheduled during this time seem somewhat out of sorts. Sunday
afternoon might be a good time to do a fun activity such as
biking, hiking a picnic, etc.
Recommendations: Often best for the "busy" person that is also
active. Even if it's a rainy day, you can just sit inside and
have coffee or lunch. These are very casual.
Benefits: You probably don't have to get too dressed up, but
don't meet her in dirty clothes either. These dates can
sometimes extend out into the evening if things are going very
well. Of course, if they last this long, why not make the last
until tomorrow morning too?
Down-sides: If she has another date that evening, she's going to
be more focused on that event than this one. You have to dress a
little nicer than you might otherwise for a weekend.
Early week afternoon dates (Monday-Wednesday): these
should be used only for the "unknowns" where you doubt things
will work out. Blind dates, chat-room hook ups, etc.
Here's why: Most people have a normal "work/school week". That
is, Mondays (Sundays in some countries) are the beginning of the
work or school week. Thus, people are trying to get their heads
focused back on a regular schedule. You come along and throw in
something completely out of the ordinary (like a lunch or coffee
date) which further mixes things up. These are subtle events,
but can be very important to many women.
Benefits: Gives something of a relief if work or school stresses
are at play. Makes you stand out as "different" - you didn't
just set the regular weekend date - and makes you look busy and
organized. Because things are already so different, you can
easily ask her to pay half!
Down-sides: Makes you easy to forget as early-week pressures
wash away the "high" of having met you. These dates can be very
casual and often seen as friendship-building rather than
something else.
My favorite: Wednesday and Thursday night dates: not only
do these days avoid the stigma (and problems) of the early week
or end-of-week dates, but it gives you a head-start on the
weekend. If things go really well here, you might schedule
something for that same weekend to continue the rapport and
connection. This quickly becomes a habit.
Recommendations: Use this for someone you really like and think
may fit very well with your goals.
Benefits: No stigma and no expectation. Has just enough start
into the weekend, but isn't the weekend itself! You're already
in "business mode" which helps to make you look more industrious
and successful. These nights also show that you are in control
of your time and have better flexibility - both great things.
Down-sides: If you have to work or go to school the next day,
you might not be able to stay out too late. You can spend just
as much on one of these evenings as you can on the weekend.
This is not an exhaustive list but consider carefully when you
schedule dates. Her time constraints (and yours) will come into
play too and you might not be able to set things up as you'd
like. Flexibility is the key here.