Do Men Respect Women?
Dear Dennis:
I wonder about this from time to time, but I figure that I need
an answer from an insightful man in order to get a truthful
answer on this:
Do men respect women in general? Do men pity women in general,
because of our vulnerabilities? Or do men have a certain
"hard-to-explain" admiration for women at times and pity other
times? What can a woman do to get and earn men's respect in most
cases? A lot of men speak in a condescending way towards and
about women. Can a woman have a lot of sex and still get a lot
of respect? Can a woman talk about having a lot of sex and still
get respect? Why do many women seem to never grow out of that
adolescent unsure-of-themselves phase, while men tend to realize
their strengths and utilize them to their benefit?
Okay, it's a lot of questions - but they all really center
around one general principle of respect. It seems to me that
many women can't seem to get a grip on the power that they
possess, and forever see themselves as being in a position
whereby they have to compete and prove their worth - rather than
being in a position where they already understand their worth
and are just looking for a man who meets "their" standards. I
see that women constantly compromise, when they don't need to -
turn themselves into whores and fake bi-sexuals sometimes - just
to compete with ambitious attention whores.
What are your thoughts? ========================
Hello!
Yes, that IS a lot of questions! However, there is one simple
answer to them all: yes and no.
Some men respect all women and some don't respect any women at
all. Many women ("feminists" in particular) demand that all
women (as a group) are given respect whereas many male
chauvinists follow the policy of giving no woman respect
whatsoever. In fact, in every case these are all stupid and
ignorant philosophies!
I've done many interviews wherein the interviewer (most often a
feminist herself) accused me of not "respecting women"; usually
because they read some small part of my book or an article that
they don't like. My response is this: "You're right!" In fact, I
don't respect "women". I also don't respect politicians or dog
trainers or Christian fundamentalists or boy scouts or school
teachers or those in the military or computer programmers or any
other particular group of people. I only respect individuals;
and then, only based on what they say and do. Indeed, there are
many women that I have absolutely no respect for, and some of
these have even earned my disdain. On the other hand, there are
many women that have earned my highest respect.
I would never presume to speak for every man out there, but
according to my own research, and the huge number of letters I
get everyday from readers, I believe that in general, most men
feel very good about women. Is this "respect"? I can't say
specifically, but I think there has to be at least some respect
involved in order to have these kinds of positive feelings. If
men are guilty of any respect-based crimes, I think it's giving
away too much respect too soon, but in fact, this isn't a huge,
rampant problem and most men learn to deal with this early on.
On the other hand, men view women very *differently* than
themselves. That difference in view doesn't mean that they don't
respect women (or that they do either!), it's just "different".
For example, I'm sure that you know many women that also view
men differently than themselves. There's a reason why most women
prefer a man that's taller - it's because they view these men as
able to protect and even nurture them. This is a natural, inborn
need for these women in order to feel love. On the other hand,
they don't feel the same way about women that are taller than
themselves however.
Is that "respect"? Not really. It's just a different way of
feeling about the opposite gender. Respect may be involved, but
it's not the foundation of how they feel.
In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I talk
pretty heavily about these gender differences and specifically
how they affect our relationships with each other. I want both
men and women to learn to play into these differences for their
own advantages. What you call "power" I simply call natural
advantage, and I believe that each of us possesses different
sets of these advantages in different measure. That's a good
thing - especially when we learn to use them to improve our
lives and even the lives of others around us.
It's because of these differences however that I can't
specifically answer your questions! For instance, "Can a woman
that has lots of sex still be respected?" That's impossible to
answer generally. For me, yes, she can earn my respect since the
amount of sex she has had has no bearing on how I respect her.
In fact, I think that someone that is highly sexually mature can
be very respectable! What's more important to our very beings
than our sexuality? I don't know of any particular attribute
that is more foundational than our sexuality. Thus, someone that
has worked hard to build theirs in a healthy way is someone that
is likely to earn my respect. Likewise, someone that has avoided
building and understanding their own sexuality is someone that
is likely to NOT get my respect!
Other men however see this either as a threat or view it
negatively for some other belief. They might very well not give
respect for this. Is that "wrong"? To me it is, but that's just
one opinion. They feel it's perfectly right to believe as they
do.
What I advise people is to create their own yardsticks based on
their own beliefs, desires, experiences and philosophies and to
be clear about them. There's nothing wrong with adopting a
particular belief system that someone else creates as long as
they know WHY they believe as they do. Simply adopting something
to fill in a gap isn't a respectable action. Knowing why someone
believes in something and how it affects that individual - and
adopting it because it fits well their own belief system - is.
Then, when situations come along, they can simply apply that
against their own yardsticks and see how they fit. If they fit
well, then this person might (based on many other factors) be
worthy of their respect. If not, they may choose to no respect
that individual.
Best regards...