Smart Dating and Jack Sprat
It has long been recognized that sometimes opposites attract.
The Odd Couple. Iron and a magnet. Jack Spratt and his wife.
Jack would never have gone down in history if he and his wife
both preferred lean. And there would undoubtedly have been
arguments about who got the most. But luckily they were
perfectly matched by being opposites.
Much has been written about successful relationships being, at
least in part, dependent on the couple being well matched in
basic values, such as honesty, loyalty, trust and ethical
behavior. There are also important but less lofty values such as
respect, consideration and unselfishness to consider.
Successful relationships also depend on each partner satisfying
the needs of the other. Needs may be hard to identify and only
time will reveal them. This is a good reason to take your time
before you enter into a permanent relationship. You should know
what your future spouse's needs are as well as being sure yours
are met.
Successful relationships, however, can be accomplished by
opposites as well as equals. A dominant male and a passive
female might be a good match. Two dominants or two passives
might not be.
So if you are attracted to someone unlike yourself, don't
despair just be sure your values are similar, that you meet each
other's needs and it is not just a novelty to be with someone
who is quite different from yourself.
If you and your spouse had a similar upbringing, you probably
see life from somewhat the same perspective. You are matched in
important values and may have similar goals and interests.
Couples who are "well matched" in interests as well as values
don't usually show up in divorce court. They generally agree on
the larger issues, have learned to compromise on the smaller
issues, and, so have little to argue about.
Being well matched does not mean walking in goose step with each
other. Life would be quite boring if it did. It means being in
step on the important values which are the basics of a good
marriage and tolerating with good humor the less important
things, and knowing the difference. Values cannot easily be
changed, but behaviors can.
Regardless of whether you and your spouse are opposites like
Jack Sprat and his wife, or well matched, you can learn to
separate the important from the unimportant before becoming too
involved. And remember, in all relationships a compatible sense
of humor not only makes life more fun but is a buffer against
the more serious problems that arise .This is smart dating.
Choose Wisely.
Copyright 2006 Robert T. Lewis