Behavioural Issues with Teenagers

Many parents of teenagers become very concerned and confused about some of the behaviour exhibited by their adolescent. They understand that during adolescence the teenager will be experiencing many changes both physical and emotional. At times they will be growing faster than at any time in their lives; puberty will be arriving, causing a range of major physical and emotional changes. Most will be facing pressures to achieve at school and they are being pushed to make decisions that will affect their future. They will be facing pressure from peers to dress or behave in a particular way. The adult commercial world will be exerting its pressures to convince them that their clothes and products are 'cool' so every discerning teenager needs them and in fact there is something wrong with them if they don't follow the fashions. One of the common enquiries received on my telephone support service www.peter-jackson.me.uk is about laziness where the teenagers seem unable or unwilling to do anything that requires energy. Where does this apparent laziness come from? We see them too tired to get up in the mornings, they avoid any activity that demands energy and requires them to leave their room which has become a total tip; clothes, both dirty and clean strewn everywhere, dirty cups and drink cans on the floor and an unpleasant odour pervading the atmosphere. He - for it is normally boys that show this type of behaviour although girls seem to be catching up - may be experiencing a major growing spurt which will mean that he will need more sleep and perhaps be lacking some energy, but look a bit closer and we may need to consider some other factors. If he needs more sleep why does he spend much of the night watching DVD's, using his computer or playing electronic games? How come he has the energy to dress up and go out with his mates and dance until the early hours of the morning? I think he is having us on; it's his lifestyle causing his tiredness. Certainly the physical changes that occur during adolescence can have an effect on the levels of energy available and this is often exacerbated by the emotional effects that the changes are having on them. However it is very rare for these effects to cause tiredness which is so severe that they have to opt out of life. In the case above it is his life style that is causing the problems. Unfortunately once this sort of pattern has been established it is very difficult to change, so as soon as parents become aware that this sort of behaviour is developing, action needs to be taken. Remember that all teenagers are actually happier with clear boundaries with consequences for breaking them, the longer that unhealthy behaviour is allowed to continue the more entrenched it becomes. Another situation which on the surface appears similar, is where the teenager retreats to his or her room and again often stays in bed or watches television or DVD's, much as the lad above. However in this case they do not go out with friends or go dancing, in fact they often only leave home to go to school or college. They are becoming isolated from friends and family. Overall they do not seem to be very happy bunnies. In this type of case, it can be the processes of adolescence along, perhaps with other issues, which are having a more profound effect on them and may be causing them to become depressed. Gentle attempts should be made to try to open up communications in order to try and support them in coming to an understanding of the issues, and how they might begin to resolve them. Often the issues are about a poor self image and a lack of confidence. If you are unable to engage in positive communication with them, is there another adult to whom they would open up, perhaps a family friend, aunt, uncle or grandparent. Failing this then you should seek professional help. Schools and colleges can be very helpful both about academic based problems and about peer relationships. If education problems exist the earlier that they are addressed the higher the chances of successful resolution. Education establishments often have very good counselling and pastoral staff and the young person should be encouraged to use these services. If you are concerned that your teenagers moods are becoming very low and they have less and less social contact, perhaps with wide swings in mood, with perhaps them self harming and threatening suicide then you should try and persuade them to seek help. Please do this in a supportive not critical way. Your G.P. Will be able to consider not only medication but a range of other therapies. Depression in adolescents should always be taken seriously as around 500 teenagers commit suicide each year in the UK. For some parents the problem is that 'laziness' only extends activities which assist the household, such as keeping their own room tidy, putting dirty washing in the correct place, doing any household chores, and they certainly will not do any cooking or washing up. This is not acceptable as teenagers should be contributing to the life of the family. Many parents do not realise that they have several very powerful negotiating tools available to them. Who gives them pocket money? Who cooks the meals? Who provides the taxi service? Who washes their cloths? I think a reduction or withdrawal of these could form the basis of a negotiated exchange for help from them. Parents have a right and a duty to set the rules in their home, and should do so; however these should not be static and should continue to be revised in negotiation with family members. If you need additional information or help concerning any issues connected with parenting teenagers go to http://www.peter-jackson.me.uk/ Peter Jackson Feb 2006