I Feel Like I've Been Waiting Forever!
Doc:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have lived
together for 2 years and we get along fine. We have our times
but not many of them. I do everything for him: cook, clean, and
everything else a wife would do.
I love him very much but I want to start a family. I don't mean
have kids right away, but for it to be just him and me for
awhile. We share and do everything together. He just won't ask
me to marry him and we have talked about it. He told me recently
he has begun to think about it but I have been ready to get
married for over a year.
Is there anyway I can get him to ask me or at least rush him
along with the process? The whole idea now just gets me stressed
because I can't imagine a world without him but he is a stubborn
man who will do things in his own way and on his own time. How
can I persuade him to take the plunge without coming out and
being pushy? ================== Hello!
Is there a way? Sure there is. But, before I go into all of
that, let me ask you a question: do you really care whether or
not you have a good marriage? Is being married all you care
about? If so, then, go find someone this next weekend that'll
marry you. You seem like a nice girl and shouldn't have any
problem finding someone that will marry you. Then, you'll be
happy, right? Of course not. You're making a classic mistake in
thinking that being married = happiness. You've probably spent
many years even planning your wedding, imagining all of its
details, etc. (most women do!) However, what's really important
here is having a partner that WANTS to be with you and is READY
to be with you. Simply hastening all of this isn't in your best
interest. Marriage is difficult enough - even more difficult
than living together. But, if you're willing to risk having a
shitty marriage, just so long as you ARE married, continue
reading. Your choices come down to just a few things: 1)
Threaten him. Tell him that you think it's been long enough and
that you aren't going to spend any more time waiting for him to
get ready. If he doesn't propose, you're going to leave him and
go find someone else. 2) Pester him. Keep bringing it up and
acting all sad and dejected when you go to someone else's
wedding and tell him how miserable you are because you're not
married. Remind him about all your friends that are either
married, engaged or talking about marriage. Generally, make his
life hell until he finally proposes to you. 3) Get pregnant - or
at least claim to be. Maybe you can trick him into marrying you.
However, if this backfires, you'll just be yet another single
mother trying to make ends meet while someone else raises your
kid. 4) Do nothing. Just mope and pout and when he asks you
want's wrong, say "Oh - nothing!" and get angry. Mistreat him
and when he has enough of it and demands to know what's wrong,
just tell him that you had expected that he's "be a man" or
something equally inciting and ask you to marry him. 5) Propose
yourself. If you do this, don't be surprised if he turns you
down. What's that I hear? You say that you don't like any of
these options or have tried one or more of them and they didn't
work? I'm not surprised. Actually, there's one more thing you
can do and frankly, it's by far your best option. Talk to him;
but don't do so in order to find out why he's not asking you to
marry him. Instead, talk to him with some perspective behind
you. Realize that he probably views marriage very differently
than you do. He (like most men) likely sees marriage as
responsibility, stress, loss of freedom, etc. - not all the
positive things you see in it. So, when you talk to him realize
that you're trying to make discoveries. You're trying
specifically to understand what he needs in order to take on
this responsibility, stress and to lose his freedom. Really
strive for understanding here. Don't assume anything. Learn
exactly what he needs and wants in his life and what he'd trade
to be married to someone. Then, just be that woman. Best
regards...