5 Steps to Accepting Compliments Graciously
Many creative artists are uncomfortable with praise and
compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we
don't quite know what to do with positive feedback.
We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it"
being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to
prove our negative self-perception.
Instead, when we can learn how to embrace positive feedback and
accept compliments graciously, we open up the door for more
positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to
BELIEVE them.
Then, when our inner critic starts up again, we can
intentionally choose to believe the POSITIVE messages we've been
receiving.
Here are five steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone
gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it
was nothing", do you argue with it by saying, "No, I don't look
good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable
that you're at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more
graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how
you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment.
Then, practice saying your new response (in front of a mirror is
best) until saying it feels natural and sincere.
What to say? A warm and heartfelt, "thank you", coupled with a
smile, is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious
of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment
automatically.
3. Pause. When someone pays you a compliment, stop before you
respond. This is where change happens - when we step out of
autopilot and try something different. Take a deep breath and
remember your wish to accept compliments more graciously.
4. Turn your attention outwards. Focus on the person who's
giving you the compliment. Think about their intentions.
Sometimes our inner critic tells us stories about the person
being sarcastic, having some kind of ulterior motive or not
truly meaning what they say. Instead, expect the best and act on
the assumption that the person is sincere.
Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make
them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine
appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time
they have something positive to share with you.
Consequently, if you belittle their words by arguing, minimizing
or looking as if they've just insulted you, they'll remember
that as well.
5. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at
accepting compliments is to GIVE more compliments. Notice how
other people receive them. This can improve your relationships
greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person.
As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on,
you'll also be keeping your thoughts more positive overall, and
you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
(c) Linda Dessau, 2006.