Top 10 Reasons Why Your Relationship Is Failing
Unhealthy, sad Relationships have some general notable
characteristics in common. Here are some basic guidelines and if
you can spot the red light lighting up in your relationship, you
can prevent a communication break down or even a relationship
break up!
1. Avoidance
Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing
reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep
down inside, the people involved may be trying to make
themselves appear superior.
Or perhaps they don't want to face the fact that their mates
really aren't who they say they are. For example, Person A might
cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always
late coming home from work and almost always misses family
functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up
excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so
that it doesn't destroy their "perfect image" in everyone's
eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a
workaholic.
2. Burnout
Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire
relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in
reality.
A tip here. Those who can keep the "love" fires burning, not 24
/ 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have
better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer
burnout and don't know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy
solutions.
In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the
low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel
disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless,
depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy
alternatives, like getting a fake substitution - maybe seeking
another mate in secret, getting "high," or some other negative
behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer.
Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new
goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more,
talk more, etc.
3. Compatibility Issues
Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it's great to have some
"spice" in your life. But relationships are about getting your
needs met - at least on some level. And constant negativity can
certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time
focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first
place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in
conflict over issues with which they can't agree.
4. Devotional Void
A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy
relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being
committed, loving soul mates is another. Being "in love" 24/7
doesn't necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a
"loving" committed relationship can make the difference. If you
find your mate drifting away, ask yourself if you have been
comitted to your relationship.
5. Enthusiasm Dwindles
If you don't add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the
same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that
spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if
they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor
their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.
6. Forgiveness Void
No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling
or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more
unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or
growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative
feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted
flowers. They need tending to or they'll die.
7. Guise
Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a
solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the
whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might
say. Pretending wears thin and doesn't last long.
8. Harm
Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy
relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment
might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn't
been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the
other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and
repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in
relationships - or life.
9. Indulgence
Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a
sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one
thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is
another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a
pathway to unhealthy relationships.
10. Just say yes
Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another
possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person
in the relationship has a difficult time saying "Yes" and
setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second,
third or forth - - rarely first in the other person's eyes and
agenda. And while it's fine to take a back seat once in awhile,
people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships,
both parties feel and share the value of being number one with
one another.