Choosing the Right Bridal Party
Before the big day, the wedding, there are usually parties held
in celebration of the bride. First, determine what type of party
(or parties) you'd like to have and then, if necessary, plan a
theme. Be sure to keep in mind that the bride and/or her
bridesmaids may have financial or time constraints. Nothing is
more stressful than worrying about whether or not you can afford
all the festivities, or if your schedule can allow them.
Ideally, you should choose one or two and the planners should
discuss them with the other parties involved. Whatever decisions
are made, ensure that everyone feels comfortable with the
arrangements and that nobody feels a sense of obligation to
reciprocate. That is, if the bridesmaids hold a luncheon, the
bride should not feel duty-bound to also hold a luncheon if her
wedding budget won't allow it. Remember that this is a happy
time, a celebratory time, and additional strain must be avoided.
Once you've decided a budget and taken dates and times into
consideration, there are several parties to choose from:
Luncheon given by the bridesmaids to honor the bride
This party is usually brunch or a luncheon. The best day for it,
is the day of shopping for bridesmaids dresses, though any day
that suits everyone's schedule will work as well. No gifts are
given but all the bridesmaids make toasts to wish the bride
happiness in her new life. The mothers of the bride and groom
are invited to this event, in which case, they will also make
toasts to the bride.
Luncheon given by the bride to honor the bridesmaids
This is usually given the day of the final fitting, a few days
before the wedding. While this may be breakfast, lunch or
dinner, the latter may be the best choice so that nobody is
worried of feeling overfull while being fitted. It is
traditional for the bride to give each of her bridesmaids a
small gift - a bracelet or earrings to wear on the wedding day -
but if this isn't cost effective, then small handmade gifts are
appropriate.
Luncheon given by the mother-in-law
This one is hosted by the groom's mother, in her home, and while
the bride and her mother are both invited, the hostess has the
option of inviting either the bridesmaids or matrons
(grandmothers, great-grandmothers) of both families. Gifts are
not given at this party.
The bridal shower
This is the party given to help a new bride establish her home.
For younger women who may still be living with their parents, or
who haven't been on their own very long, the gifts are usually
geared toward setting up her household. Examples are kitchen
utensils, linens, towels, etc. For older women, who perhaps
don't need the same types of gifts, themed parties work best.
For example, try holding a "Recipe Party" where each guest
donates a favorite recipe and the ingredients necessary to make
the dish. Or make it a "Pampered Princess Party" where all the
gifts are "indulgent." Chocolates, bubble bath, and candles are
good gifts, as are gift certificates for a massage or a manicure.
The bachelorette party
The maid of honor is responsible for organizing this party.
Generally, this is a non-gift party, but has increasingly become
a somewhat "raunchy" event in that the bride receives gifts of
lingerie and other such "intimate" gifts and toys. It is usually
held in a bar or series of bars or, if in someone's home, exotic
dancers are hired. While this type of party seems to be quite
popular, many brides would prefer not to have one. Although some
will go along with it for the sake of their friends, most such
women, deeply in love enough to marry their beloved, don't want
or need "one last wild night." The bridesmaids who arrange these
parties are likely to enjoy them far more than the bride, who is
supposed to be the one being honored. Before planning such an
event, make sure it's what the bride wants. If she says no to
it, respect her decision and plan a luncheon instead.
The pajama party
These are gaining popularity with the younger women, especially
when conforming to traditional protocols seems too stuffy for
the times, or they just don't suit the bride's personality. This
party is given by either the bride or the maid of honor. It
begins with "chick flicks" that have a love or wedding theme.
Pajamas are worn and standard pajama party fare is served, i.e.,
potato chips, popcorn, and pizza; though wine or coolers usually
replace the soda pop of childhood parties. Come prepared with
curling irons, nail polish, makeup, CDs of good dance music, and
fashion magazines. If the bride hosts the party, the maid of
honor should stay behind to help with clean-up in the morning.
Gifts aren't usually given, but if they will be at this party,
the presents should be small, simple items, such as makeup or
nail polish.
Any or all of these parties are open to modifications. For
example, more and more couples are having shared parties: the
bachelor/bachelorette party includes the bride and groom, and
all their friends; and the bridal shower is now the "bride and
groom shower." At this party, men and women attend, and the
gifts are not only items for the house, but the garage and
garden too.
Keep budgets, schedules, and the bride's personality (and
groom's if applicable) in mind when planning any event, and feel
free to be creative. Remember, this is a time of celebration and
that above all, the bride should feel as stress-free as
possible. If necessary, and if your budget allows it, hire
caterers; or, if the best thing would be to forego all the
pre-parties, then let go of the guilt and instead, prepare to
have a great time at the wedding. After all, that's the one
party the bride is most excited about anyway.