Adoption - Hope For All
A mummy! A daddy! The belief that all children are entitled to a
family! The belief that all who want to be parents will excel at
the life-long process involved! These beliefs, cherished by all
cultures, are the foundation for adoption. Yet, in reality,
society doesn't always wholeheartedly support an adopted child
or those who create a home for it.
Adoption occurs when biological parents, who are usually also
the legal parents, transfer over complete and permanent rights
and obligations to raising a child. These legal parents usually
freely choose adoption and willingly sign the necessary consent
forms.
However, when a child has been subjected to abuse or neglect, or
even abandoned, the courts may order that the child be 'put out
for adoption.'In the court-ordered cases, the child usually
remains in a foster home until he is about six or seven years
old before being placed for adoption.
The differences between adoption and foster homes are reflected
in the permanence of adoption. Foster homes are always
considered temporary, and foster parents have no legal rights as
to the long-term care of the child, even if the courts order the
child returned to an abusive environment.
A child may have many sets of foster parents over the years;
adoptive parents are technically there for the lifetime of the
child.
Many myths abound about the mental, emotional and physical
well-being of an adopted child, and that's exactly what 99% are:
only myths. The 'poor little adopted child' in reality is
usually a well-fed, loved, delightful child who has been given
opportunities that exceed what many 'non-adopted' children
receive. The adopted child has been spared from living under
circumstances where he is not wanted, or where, although wanted,
the parents couldn't take care of him.
The challenges come more from the reactions of society than from
the home circumstances. In our society today outsiders still
sometimes rudely ask a child born in a different country,"What
are you?" (referring to their race). When a white-skinned person
adopts an African American child many in society still look on
with a frown at the grocery store.
Another myth is that the adopted child will always feel
'rejected,' yet that word 'always' should be watched. Most
psychologists and social workers have come to understand that a
person raised in its biological home is just as apt to feel
rejected as an adopted child. It all depends on the
circumstances and how much bonding and love and attention is
experienced.
Growing up to be a responsible adult is a challenge for people
raised under any circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to
be responsible and make excuses about how they were raised. For
those people, if they were adopted, that is a convenient excuse,
although usually it is not an accurate representation.
Curiosity is part of human nature. For those who are adopted, it
is natural to wonder who their biological parents were and what
became of them. The love they feel for those who have raised
them does not diminish by this curiosity. And, it is natural for
the biological parents to wonder what became of their baby or
child.
Yet, for all concerned, the past is like a cancelled check you
can't keep spending it. Whether adopted or not, here and now is
where we are living! How fortunate we are that adoption exists
so dreams of being part of a family can be a delightful reality
for all.