Do You Know Your Parenting Style?
Want to be a better parent? Knowing what your current parenting
style is will help you identify your needed areas for
improvement. Promoting the self-discipline and self-esteem of
the children in your family often requires an emotional juggling
act by you as a parent. It is not easy to be firm and demanding
with a child one minute, then warm and affectionate the next.
This is an ongoing education process both for the parent and for
the child. In addition, many adults naturally have personalities
or temperaments that predispose them toward one parenting style
or another.
Authoritarian Parenting
Parents who tend to overemphasize the discipline side of the
equation are referred to as authoritarian. Authoritarian parents
are demanding in the worst sense of the word. They are
intimidators, requiring obedience and respect above all else.
They become overly angry and forceful when they don't get that
obedience and respect. Their love and acceptance appear totally
conditional to the child. They do not teach or listen to their
kids or explain the reason for their expectations, which are
frequently unrealistic. They often see their children's
individuality and independence as irrelevant or threatening.
Research has shown that authoritarian parents tend to produce
children who are more withdrawn, anxious, mistrustful and
discontented. These children are often overlooked by their
peers. Their self-esteem is often poor.
Permissive Parenting
Parents who overemphasize the self-esteem side of the equation
are referred to as permissive. They may be warm and supportive,
but they are not good disciplinarians - even in the privacy of
their own home. They make only weak demands for good behavior
and they tend to avoid or ignore obnoxious behavior. They seem
to believe that children should grow up without any anger, tears
or frustrations. They reinforce demanding and inconsiderate
behavior from their children and often find it easier to just
give in to their child's demands. Their love and acceptance are
"unconditional" in the worst sense of the word, for they set few
rules or limits on what their children do.
Research has shown that permissive parents tend to produce
children who are more immature, demanding and dependent. These
children are often rejected by their peers. Their self-esteem is
often unrealistic and hard to interpret, for they often blame
others for their problems and misfortunes.
The Authoritative Parenting Model
Parents who are able to provide for both the discipline and
self-esteem needs of their youngsters are referred to as
authoritative. They clearly communicate high--but not
unrealistic--demands for their children's behavior. They expect
good things from their kids and reinforce those things when they
occur. They also tend to give more positive encouragement at the
right places. When kids act up, on the other hand, authoritative
parents respond with firm limits, but without fits of temper.
They are warm, reasonable and sensitive to a child's needs. They
are supportive of a child's individuality and encourage growing
independence.
Authoritative parents tend to produce competent children. These
kids are more self-reliant, self-controlled, content and happy.
They are usually accepted and well-liked by their peers and
perform better in school. Their self-esteem is good and they
report having a happier childhood experience overall.
Where Do You Need Work as a Parent?
Logic and research, then, support the idea that children need
both firm discipline and emotional support to grow up
psychologically healthy. After reading the descriptions of the
parenting styles above, if you found that you leaned too much
toward the demanding, authoritarian style, then you need to work
on the warm, supportive side of parenting. You need to have more
fun with your kids, listen better and dole out more praise. If
on the other hand, you leaned too much toward the permissive
style, you need to work on establishing clear rules, setting
limits, and confronting obnoxious behavior. Need to modify your
parenting style? Start today!