10 THINGS NOT TO DO IN MARCH
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006.
10 THINGS NOT TO DO IN MARCH
Or, how to enjoy more jocularity
Sherlock Tidpit is a remarkable rumpus-room monitor, and even
more impressive, he's a rule-of-thumb rapscallion with a very
skewed assessment of reality, (which among other things makes
him a very valuable vestigial remnant in the Court of the
"March" is the fourth month of the Gregorian calendar.
In Latin "March" means to "walk forth". So, if you don't like
shilly-shallying or sallying forth, aren't really into "March
Madness", and aren't prepared to worship the Roman God of war
"Mars", you might want to skip this month altogether.
And if truth be told, 52 per cent of prospective parents at a
certain baby naming website voted against foisting this middling
moniker known as "March" upon their offspring.
Those who wish to enjoy the jolly spirit of jocularity should do
everything in their power to avoid engaging in any of the
following fruitless things this month.
1. Banging, bopping or breaking things, and creating
calamity just because you feel like flexing your mighty muscles,
playing King of the Castle, or ruling the Universe; after all,
this isn't a great way to win friends and influence people since
there's always someone out there with a bigger and better
billy-club who's bound to knock you off your Humpty-Humpty
pedestal when you're not looking - then splat, splotch, or
whatever all over the place - and no one prepared to patch up
your DNA or pick up your 1001 pieces!
2. Making any feudal obligations, you're not prepared to
keep forever and ever like asking for the hand of someone in
marriage, using floss every day to keep Evil Gingivitis at by or
agreeing to take out the garbage for the rest of your life here
on planet earth.
3. Can't imagine being "Mad as a Hatter" or "Mad as a March
Hare" - just never agree to play these pathetic pet parts
in a dysfunctional drama like "Alice In Wonderland!"
4. On March 8th, avoid casually ogling or waving
in a royal manner to members of the female gender, they may
think you're harassing them on "International Women's Day"!
5. This may be the birth sign month of Mars-ruled, fire-eaters
like Aries, but resist the temptation to play with someone
who's brash, impulsive, doesn't listen, exercises poor
judgment, always needs to be "top dog", and is blind to his or
her effect on others. Frankly, Scarlet or Scottie, you can do
way better by mixing with other classy cosmic critters!
6. On March 15th, beware of the "Ides of March",
by brushing off any dodgy business deals involving
money-laundering with any member of a career offender cartel,
respectfully pass up invitations to attend any impromptu toga
parties, or listen to any half-baked hocus pocus from a
fortune-teller who reads tea leaves and examines the insides of
7. On "St. Patrick's Day", March 17th, refuse to
wear green attire of any kind including boxer shorts or thongs,
and turn down an enticement to eat or drink anything green in
color no matter how many times your doctor, fitness trainer or
your significant other tells you it's good for you!
8. Men may come from Mars and women from Venus, but best
way to hook up with destiny's darling is to wait patiently for
another 11 months when courteous Cupid, cavorting Casanova or
perhaps that cute Cat next door will come knocking for a very
naughty night out on the town!
9. Hanging around Numerology nudniks, (especially those
with a passion for number 7) can be a tad exhausting; you know,
the typical ones who adore analyzing things to death, mystify
why apples always fall from the tree on me, and tend to focus on
the big picture while forgetting about what to prepare for
dinner tonight...unless you're a family-friendly furry one named
Fido or Fifi!
10. On March 20th, (the first official day of
Spring), do not tell everyone you're responding to the call
of nature by building a privy or prancing about in your blessed