Be careful what you wish for. Entering the baby's room one day, I noticed a subtle odor, not unlike a used diaper or a moose with a gas problem. A thorough search revealed everything in order and clean, so it must have come from the baby. "Marielle," I thought, "You stinky devil."
Opening the window helped, but I felt I had to ask my sister-in-law, Doris, who often had given me good advice on sticky problems. A fifteen minute conversation with Doris revealed that she knew an old woman of German decent who owned a charm against my baby's kind of problem but which could backfire if used improperly.
A few days later a small package in my mailbox revealed a brown root-like spiral of wood wrapped in a piece of waxed paper with the words, 'Schauzz Wurzel'. Not knowing how powerful this piece of magic could be, instead of placing it near the baby, I leaned the charm against the house just outside the front door.
No sooner than my youngest child, Robbie, came home from kindergarten, he greeted me with a big hug and a strange noise that sounded like "BREEeeeeeeee". The accompanying odor prompted me to ask how he felt. He insisted that nothing was wrong. Anyway, we were interrupted by the arrival of my older son who casually waved a hello and somewhere behind him let out a musical "Brrrrrrrrrrrrr-rrrrp!"
Fearing the worst, I raced back to the baby's room just in time to hear "breeeeep -beep-beep!". The open window hadn't helped the atmosphere any so I frantically called my husband, Frank, for advice. Frank didn't know what to make of our problem, but promised to be home soon. I reminded him not to be late, since the pastor was coming over for a short visit and a donation.
At six on the dot, Frank rushed in to his wife and sounded, "BRRRRRUUUM!" accompianied by a miasmic cloud. "Oh, excuse me, how are the kids?" Not looking at him, I told him fine, rroooorrrrrrp, and hurry up and get ready for the pastor's visit. Just then the bell rang, and standing on the front step was the pastor. Frank said, "I hope you don't mind, but now is not a good time to visit. Could you make it another day?"
The pastor answered, "That's fine, if you could let me come in for a moment - I just wanted to leave something as a memento for the good work your wife has been doing for the church, BROOOOOUUUUUUMMMMM-BUP-BUP-BUP!