When I wander in countryside, Or when water runs quite near I feel you are there somewhere I feel there is more than me here I suspect and sense Im not alone But in the presence of quiet power Sometimes I see it at sunset, Others caught up in a shower. Any time Im alone with nature, And my senses are subdued If I relax my attention And Im not prone to brood Then suddenly I know theres more Than I can directly perceive, In the whistling of the breeze, In the rustling of the leaves, And wonder if my old friends, Are still living after all, Just somewhere else entirely, Out of reach and out of call, I know at times though beyond reason There is more than meets the eye, Another meaning to the seasons, Another twinkling in my eye, As if just out of vision, At a place of perfect prayer You may be guard over me, Whenever my friends are not there, And finally when I have to leave here I will be not be so alone, For ill have my favourite guardian To safely steer me home.
I look down and see you frown, Alone and lost and bereaved, I sense the hopeless and the helpless, And doubters of all they believed, You cant conceive that I would leave, And not be there for always, Yet I am not there any more, And never will be all your days, Its hard to allow Im not there now, Just like I have always been, But I cant get in touch conventionally, Out of hearing and unseen, Lost to touch and as such, Effectively gone and passed away, But I can speak to you sometimes, Just in a different way, It may be happiness in a sunset, It may be tinkling at water flowing, It may be coincidences always coming, Or flashbacks in time always going, It may be saving you from danger, As if by a whim or circumstance, For I watch out for you now, And your luck isnt down to chance, So Im not so very far away, As you would think or believe, Im just invisible to the eye, Or any sense you can conceive, But though you cant perceive me, And think me gone dont cry, For one day youll be with me, And one day you will know why.
I cant believe that ill never see, The person that was always there for me, The one who always had a smile, On days when others run a mile, Who listened to my boring tales, And supported me when I felt frail, Who always put me first before, They would think of having more, Who if they had only one would laugh, And faultlessly would give me half, Yet now they arent there any more, Who I could touch and see before, i cant phone and hear their voice, I dont even have the choice, Theyre gone and I cant take it in, Ill never see them laugh or grin, So I hope they know I really cared, All the time that they were there, I wish id said more instead of mimed, But I thought wed have much more time, So if you can hear me now at last, I cant change things done and past, But I can tell you that now I know, All the debts I really owe, And all the words I should have said, Are still all here inside my head, All you will ever need to do, Is look inside me to see theyre true.
Life and Death.
Where do we go when we die, Is there something there we cant perceive, Maybe others would not have to cry, If they saw just what can be achieved, They say some religions see us weighted, Like a deep sea diver whilst alive, And that afterwards we are liberated, And light enough to float accross the skies. Perhaps if mourners could once see, We pass from pain and age and endless toil, Onwards to a state of pure tranquility, And not just burned or interred under the soil. Perhaps accepted means of disposal are harsh, In relation to our true form and destination, Perhaps really down here we flounder in a marsh, Wheras afterwards we are but free sensation. Most visions of near death encounters, Only mention painless progress towards light, So when it eventually seeks to surmount us, Why fear darkness or endless night. Those left behind have the hardest task, To try to make sense of what is gone, To accept we arent there any more to ask, To realise our last glimmerings have shone, I treasure my friends in flashback memories, Often jolted into view causing a tear, I cant understand just where theyve gone, And why they are not still here, It seems inconceivable they werent spared, I wish Id said more when they breathed, But I just hope they know I cared, Even though I dont know why they had to leave. I know in part some of my heart, Wonders, through their untimely parting, When my own final fate will start, And realisation is soon darting, That one day, someday, it will be me, That others will see instead of them, That it will inevitably finally be, That I join the ranks of mortal men.
Perhaps they sense me now and feel pity, That I have to struggle on on earth, Whilst they live in enlightened cities, Lit by happiness and filled with mirth, Maybe hell is here and now and grieving, And heaven is where you go when you die, Maybe we should be happy at their leaving, Maybe they look at US and want to cry. Whatever the truth after our youth, Fades away until the end of days, We shouldnt waste forever seeking truth, Shouldnt ever analyse lifes tragic ways, Surely if they can see you and me, They would reach down and dry our eyes, They would want us to be happy again, And not wander forever traumatised, If you were they and saw the way, You seemed to them way down below, You would want to reluctantly say, I must move on even though I know, That Ill never ever hear their voice, Never see them and never touch their face, For its what would be their choice, If they could only tinker with our fate. It wont happen in just an hour, Or just a day or just a year, But one day it will sit easier, Even though you are never here. You were my friend at lifes end, No one can take that away from me, And no one will ever quite transcend, What you will always mean to me, But I understand that now its planned, A new chapter starts as this one ends, And I wont actually be eternally damned, If I make new aquaintances and friends, Ill not forget all those close Ive met, And all the times and tides we shared, And Ill often wonder why they went, And why it was that I was spared, But I owe it to their memories gone, To not cause them grief if they can see, And to try to pick up and soldier on, And show them the person that was me, For if they see the world through my medium, Im sure they would much rather see, A world not wrapped in tedium, And all grief finally set free. Its not forsaking memories of the past, To move forwards towards new light, Its what they would want if asked, Its what they would see as right, They know you will always think on, They know you will always care, They know because they havnt gone Because they are always there, Maybe they cant communicate as such, Maybe they seem lost except in dreams, But they still care about you just as much, From behind seemingly invisible screens, And they would wish you happiness, They would want you to laugh out loud, They would gaze with tenderness, And they could be only proud, If they saw your internal war, Disappear forever without a trace, And all the grief from before, Become a smile upon your face. For you cant undo whats been done, However unfair it seemed, It can happen to anyone, And to any of our dreams, You cant turn back the tide, You can just sink or survive, They are still there inside, As long as you are alive, Theres no guilt in being content, No shame in living life again, No need explaining what is meant, No need to prolong the pain, They would say so if they could speak They would write it if allowed, They dont want you to be meek They dont want you to be cowed, They just want you as you were Before fate threw its tumbling dice Before everything became a blur And when everything was nice. They just want to turn your clock, On to a better time and place, So you emerge from out of shock, With a calm and happy face.
What was oblivion and apocalypse, Beyond imagination or belief, Has transmuted to a flock of ships, Sailing on a sea of abject grief, Who, battered by constant stormy rancour, And often seemingly lost or destroyed, Are now tranquilly at anchor, And peacefully deployed. Their hulls retain the knocks, And their sails the rents of rage, But they overcame the rocks, And they finally came of age, Now they know the ebb and flow, And the tempest out of naught, The better armed with what they know, with all that they have been taught, Their old crew missing a few, Not lost just out of sight, So they have recruited anew, To set the final balance right, Until the day they sail away, Never returning to these shores, They will be cast as unsurpassed, And be legendary for evermore, For not bowing to the strain, For fighting forward though sorely harmed, For acknowledging life is often pain, And that we arent all charmed, For coming out the other side, When it was easier to fall, It makes them worthy of our pride, It makes them victors after all.
While we breathe we must believe We are here for some purpose in some plan Surely there must be lasting meaning In the intelligence and love of man. We often wonder why were all doomed to die Just when we become calm and wise And ponder anew what will we do When we finally close our eyes Why are we here, it is not clear, And if nihil and darkness is our fate Why do we strive with endless drive With only nothingness lying in wait Where are those dear who were so near One can almost feel them still As if energy waves from beyond the graves Keep them constant in our will Maybe all survives, for all our lives In a constant energy flux And sometimes were bees sometimes leaves And sometimes we are us. If mass is energy born in a different form Maybe we are constantly changing guise And we do not pass on were just there and gone But now beyond ears and eyes There seems little chance such a complex dance As the human body and the mind Was randomly formed over all And evolved to what we find Impossible to suppose that when life goes It all meant nothing and is wasted Why then are we such complexity What of the dreams weve tasted What of love, being hand in glove What of friends and never parting What reason for our seasons What point in ever starting I think we subscribe until we die To a vast knowlege base building on Then we change clothes and the old life goes But our energy is never gone It transforms anew to me or you Becomes different but the same And what we learned is surely burned In an archive with our name. So after all whether big or small We all contribute in our own way To the greater knowledge of everyone From the experiences of our days, So maybe we will always be Just in a different suit or gown Meeting again later due to nature Cycling up and cycling down. Its the spark that is our heart And makes us all what we seem And it always fires, never tires An endless energetic dream. So dont think of me as ceased to be Dont call me dead and gone Im still alive beyond your eyes My energy simply carries on You may not hear me with your ear You may not see me whole But im still me always will be Its what you call my soul, So when breath dies with death And my eyes finally close Im not passed away will not decay Im just in different clothes.
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Ex systems programmer revelling in loss of sanity.