Hi Zannah,

I just got off the phone with a friend who is so bitter about being single and having to date. How can I stay happy and not get bitter? It concerns me because I can see my other friends getting this way too. Right now I don't feel bitter but I'm watching my single friends become more and more so about not meeting someone or being disappointed with the dates they've had. Any suggestions on how not to fall prey to the bitter trap?

Sally Scott OC

Dear Sally

Being bitter, like anything else is simply a choice. We can always decide to adopt an attitude of any sort towards any circumstance. Some choose to make the situation about them. In fact, all who have chosen the bitter route have placed themselves at the epicenter of their own thoughts. When we begin to think about others, such as why perhaps it wasn't a good time for the other person to engage in a relationship with us, then we begin to develop compassion. It's really not about us. It's about them. We have nothing to do with it. How tall we are, how rich we are, how old we are plays little importance if the chemistry and the timing is right. In fact, TIMING is everything... AND we only have so much time on this earth. Choosing to spend this precious commodity being bitter is a very selfish and ignorant use of time. I don't know about you but I think spending too much time worrying about being bitter might just be like calling the kettle black. My advice is to not give this worry any more of your time. Put a smile on your face and don't forget to wink at that cute guy in the grocery store next time you're standing in the cereal aisle. You never know...it just might be the right time for it.

Thoughtfully, Zannah

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Zannah Hackett Rev,BAE,MA is today