In today's world there are so many wonderful and inspirational books. There are books filled with stories of Divine intervention, miracles happening, special positive moments never to be forgotten and incredible coincidences. They help make us feel in harmony with the universe. They help us fall asleep and have pleasant dreams. They often bring tears to our eyes, reinforcing an inner sense of wisdom that all is right with the world even when appearances say that is not so.

But there is one thing often missing from these books. It is the mental and emotional perspiration that we need to go through as we struggle to live a life of meaning and joy. The inspiration is there, but it's the perspiration that most of us need to put into our daily lives to create for ourselves lives of enchantment. Because enchantment for most of us, i.e. living a life of joy, a life that reflects many states of well being and has meaning and purpose, is hard work.

And none of us know that better than our jewels over Fifty! We have been through the mill of life. We know ups and downs, losses and gains, big moments and tedious moments. We have gone through getting to know our bodies and sometimes wishing parts of our bodies worked better or even could last the journey! We have relocated, packed and unpacked, said goodbyes when we didn't want to and hellos that were delicious. We are adventurers and survivors! We are polished and gleam like the most priceless gem and yet we still are forming as we experience the act of living.

Certainly we yearn for moments when the right thing happens at exactly the right time and the world opens up for us, whether it's a lucky break, meeting the right life partner or winning the lottery. And we all need at least some of those moments. But life, in reality, is filled with hundreds and thousands and probably millions of minutes that are repetitive, boring or simply ordinary. They involve getting up, brushing our teeth, driving to work safely, keeping a job, raising children, fighting off a cold, etc. It is all these times and even the easy moments of elation that that THE ENCHANTED SELF gives us tools to better handle. After all, any moment can be mundane, depressing, dull or captivating, enlivening and filled with joy if we know how to 'adjust' it. What is the difference? The difference is usually the perspiration. I mean the mental and emotional perspiration that is involved in what I call the three R's of enchantment. Let's look at the first of the three R's.

The first is REMEMBERING THE BEST AND LETTING GO OF THE REST. This is a critical component to general well being and a sense of happiness on a daily basis. Most of us have sustained loss and experienced pain. Yes, we've been hurt. We've been short-changed by opportunities or other people. Sometimes we've been stepped upon, left or forgotten. If we spend our daily life focusing on these disappointments then we cannot release the positive energies we need to make the most of the present moment and to plan for the future. Grudges, negative thinking, disappointments and not forgiving all get in the way of what can be done with the present. We need our psyche energies to seize opportunities we can take advantage of. This can't happen if our energies are used up ruminating.

Besides, there is beauty in our own story, and most, if not all, disappointments we've experienced have strengthened us. Often, we have even developed talents in coping with hard times that can reemerge in ways to enhance pleasure and/or help us be of service to the world. For example, the child that was neglected or yelled at has an opportunity to be particularly kind to others as he or she gets older, maybe to teach others certain parenting skills having known first hand how it feels on the other side.

I hope you'll take some time this week to think about yourself and what talents or coping skills you may have developed during your life. It may be these very skills that you can use to make your life even more successful and joyful. You may enjoy going back to a particular year or review your life in a more general fashion. You can find these talents and wonderful coping skills in good times and in stressful times. Please choose where you are comfortable in reviewing your history. If you choose a stressful period of your life, give yourself permission to not focus on the feelings that surrounded that time, but just on your accomplishments, successes, strengths, coping skills or even potential within you that existed then, even if you had to suppress it.

I would suggest listing your earlier talents and/or coping skills on paper and pondering them. Within them lies precious information that may be valuable as you regenerate yourself again and again.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF