Frantic Holiday Syndrome.

Sounds like a new type of flu, doesn't it? It's just a term I came up with to describe the way we tend to stress during the holidays.

But, let's try to get this holiday thing into perspective. Think back and remember what it was like to be a child during the holidays: The anticipation. The excitement. The feeling that the big day was never going to get here.

Now fast-forward and consider what it's like for many of us to be an adult during the holidays:

Frantically running around, trying to get everything done.

Trying to live up to all the expectations and obligations, such as spending too much.

Bills.

The feeling that we just don't have enough time.

Exhaustion, crowds, stress, crowds, overeating, crowds.

We treat the holidays, at best, as if they come as a surprise, and at worst, like they are some kind of a crisis. This turns what is supposed to be a source of celebration into a major source of stress as we run around trying to get everything done. And then we wonder why we don't enjoy the holidays.

That's the bad news. The good news is that families can fight Frantic Holiday Syndrome. Here's a list of do's and don'ts for the holiday season.

Don'ts

Spend more than you can afford. Nothing puts a damper on the beginning of the new year like the shock of credit card bills, representing money spent on things that are already broken.

Feel like you have to have a Hallmark holiday. Remember, those are commercials with scripts and as many takes as needed to get it right. Our holiday is live.

Start a diet or new eating plan during the holidays. It's a sure set-up for frustration and failure.

Do something just because you have always done it that way before. While family traditions are important and valuable, if not thought through and/or updated, they can become ruts of obligation.

Compare this holiday to others, either someone else's or the best you've ever had.

Feel as though you have to please everyone.

Wait until the last minute to do all your shopping, unless you enjoy being waited on by cranky clerks who can't wait to get you out of the store and being surrounded by people who are willing to kill to get the last PlayStation 2.

Dos

Avoid the No. 1 killer of a good holiday - the expectations of others. Decide how you and your family wish to spend the holidays, and then carry it out. No further explanation is necessary.

Make a distinction between stress and pressure. Stress comes from the outside, while pressure is an inside job _ it's what we tell ourselves about the stress.

Fight the cultural expectations. You and your kids will survive without the latest stuff.

Give gifts of lasting value, such as: Time. Story. Reconciliation. Understanding. Belonging. Family.

Have reasonable expectations for you and your family, such as: Infants will get cranky because their routine is disrupted. Preschoolers will squirm and wiggle during the school Christmas play. Grade-schoolers and pre-teens will want to stay up all night on Christmas Eve. Teen-agers will want to walk 20 feet away from you in the mall, be with their friends and ask "is that all there is?" after opening their presents. Parents will get frustrated trying to cope with anything that says "some assembly required."

Plan, plan, plan, and then plan some more.

Remember that whatever you do, you are making memories that will last a lifetime. Remember folks, this is intended to be a time for celebration, not frustration.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.