In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Doanld Gough

Do you know how we often try to change the person we are with in a relationship? We try to argue them into being different, trick them into being different, threaten, maniputlate and even plead with them to be different.

Do you know what the problem with this plan is? You cannot change another person. And what's worse, all your efforts to try to get someone to be different usually leads to the opposite result. It's human nature to want to resist someone who is trying to change us.

This is because the bottom line problem is that the only person we can change is ourselves. And that is tough enough most of the time.

Relationships are like a dance

As a marriage therapist and couples coach, I have learned that I can work with a couple even if only one person is coming to my office or talking to me on the phone.

Sounds strange, but work with me here.

Picture a ballroom dancing floor, the kind with all the steps to a dance laid out in the form of footprints on the floor. Follow the steps of the footprints, and you dance a certaiin dance.

Change just your steps in the dance, and your partner has to change their steps as well.

In your relationship, change some of your steps in the dance for the better, and see what happens.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.