Sure, you're reasonable and try your best to be kind to others. But unfortunately, talking sense into some people is like beating your head into a brick wall repeatedly. The bullying personality shows up just anywhere-- at home, in the workplace, in your circle of friends.

There's no point in trying to initiate a mature compromise with someone who behaves in a near-deluded manner. Why would someone be so manipulative and self-protective? Don't they know how much they hurt others? The answer is: there is no answer, and it isn't your problem. If you can't physically remove yourself from someone who tries to control you and others, you can do the next best thing - learn to cope. Here are some Bully Prototypes and how to deal with each of them.

1. Your Boss the Bully.

Unfortunately, people in power positions often have issues. The Classic Bully Boss displays micro-managing tendencies, is self-absorbed, controlling, and narcissistic. He will lie through his teeth and try to put the blame on you when things fall through the cracks. You can't trust a bully like this as far as you can throw him.

Solution: Never lose faith in your own abilities, no matter what crap this person is dishing. Communicate with your bullying boss as little as possible; if you must speak, toss a few compliments his or her way through your teeth. Then, get to work building up alliances with everyone else except for this person, including his boss. You will quickly learn that your bullying boss bullies everyone, not just you. Hey, with any luck maybe you can get him fired!

2. Your Parent the Bully.

Having a parent who is manipulative and hurtful is one of the toughest things to deal with in life. Growing up with a bully in the family can mean that you're forever caught in the Wrong... even when you know you're right. A bullying parent uses passive-aggressive tricks to turn you into a fighter by nature... forever on the defensive!

Solution: The first thing you must do to preserve your sanity is get away from them as soon as you can. Move out on your own as soon as you're of age. The next step is to suggest they seek help. If they refuse, which is likely as bullies typically live in total denial, you are simply going to have to behaviorally control them. That means that every time you're in their presence and they start picking fights and playing mind games with you, just leave. EVERY single time. Tell them that you will not tolerate them behaving in an infantile manner, and then make yourself scarce. If these incidents make you feel upset, seek shelter with a loving and understanding friend who can play the role of supportive nurturer where your parent does not. Above all, never feel guilty, no matter what the bullying parent tells you. You have done nothing wrong!

3. Your Partner the Bully.

This is a tough one. Why would you ever think of dating someone who is unreasonable... or worse, find yourself married to them! People who end up permanently attached to controlling personalities probably were heavily influenced by someone in their family who was probably also a bully.

Solution: If you feel that your spouse or partner is forever turning the tables on you, backing you into conversation traps, and generally sucking the life out of you, go talk to a counselor and get some insight into your own personality. Find out what makes you tick, and why something that happened in your past might be causing you to seek approval from someone who will never give it. When you feel strong enough to stand on your own two feet, suggest that the Bully also seek help in the form of therapy. If they continue to refuse, you must leave them, no two ways about it. This isn't easy, especially if you're raising a family together, but that's what you must do. Seek advice and support from loving friends and other family members, and of course your therapist.

You are in no way indebted to any other human being in your life other than you. You are free to go. If someone is trying to control you, just run! Run far, far away. Seek professional help. Learn to love yourself and live a life without guilt and strife. You can do it!

Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved.

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