Communication between partners often gets confusing, and there is a very good reason for this. Most of the time, the words we use have far less impact than the energy behind the words. Therefore, what you say is often not what the other person hears.

The energy behind a communication is determined by our INTENTION. In much of the communication between partners, there are two different intentions that can motivate any given communication: we are often either intent upon controlling the other person, or intent upon learning about ourselves and our partner. The difference in energy between these two intentions is what frequently creates the confusion in communication.

For example, in one of my phone counseling sessions with Joshua, he complained about the fact that his wife, Joan, often gets upset with him over seemingly minor issues. A recent conflict had occurred over a book she was reading. He had asked her why she was reading that particular book, and she had responded to him with irritation.