I have heard that over 40 million people in the USA alone will log onto an online dating or matchmaking website during the course of a year. You would think with that many single people it would be like shooting ducks in a barrel.. Wrong! As a 49 year old man, with a 16 year old son, being single has been an absolute nightmare to say the least. The only thing worse than online dating is in- person dating. All joking aside, The fact of the matter is that at my age I am too old to go the bars and nightclubs filled with men and women young enough to be my children. Even if I did go out, what would be the point? Time and maturity (and wrinkles and gray hair) have made that not an appealing option. I have another problem. I am self-employed, and work out of my home which is very isolated. I don?t even have to get dressed let alone dressed up. Moreover, I am incurably shy. I was the one that made the girl ask me to dance in high school and even then tried to get out of it.

On the good side, I have diagnosed the problems pretty well. The internet craze and subsequent birth of online dating in early 1999, was like a Godsend. For me it was a no-brainer. I had nothing to lose, except possibly $19.95 which could be refundable if I were a totally dissatisfied client. At that time I had just filed for divorce and was separated so I joined one of the leading dating sites. It was very easy to join, I simply filled out a questionnaire about my age, eye and hair color, height, weight, body type etc. At that time, I was actually truthful about my age which was 42. I also wrote a profile about my hobbies, work, interests and also the qualities I wanted in a woman. I had a fairly recent picture which I scanned and then paid the money for a 30 day trial. Literally within minutes I started receiving e-mails from women filled with compliments and interest in getting to know me better. I remember thinking that my dating worries were finally over. I was so excited I started thinking about marriage, children, white picket fence..and walking hand in hand into the sunset together. Here I was waiting for beautiful, single, sexy women to contact me without even leaving my home. It was unbelievable. That first couple of weeks were unforgettable. I was getting about ten e-mails a day from otherwise unattainable women living within just a few miles of my home. They were the most flattering messages I had ever seen. Some wanted to talk immediately and gave their numbers, others actually wanted to meet in person that day! My divorce wasn?t even final yet! I was overwhelmed with all the attention and adoration. I had not had this many women after me since the time I accidentally walked into the girls bathroom in grade school.

As with most of us when learning a new trade, I made many blunders along the way. For one thing, I never kept files or any sort of managed dating notes about all the conversations and e-mail exchanges. I would jot down numbers and names on pieces of scrap paper sitting next to the pile of papers on my messy desktop. I was attempting to just shoot from the hip and see how things went. Being memory challenged did not help either. I was constantly losing names, numbers, and appointments. The problem was I had too many women and not enough time. I was never the type of guy that juggled women well, and I usually got caught if I ever did anything worth getting caught over. I also have a morality streak which does not allow me to lie to a person who I know is trusting me. What I did have in my favor was some sales genes inherited from my father, ample charm, and I cleaned up pretty good. In the beginning due to the stigma attached to ?lonely hearts clubs? I decided to keep this new thing a secret and just see if in fact I could actually find true love. If I did find love I could make a pact to fabricate a good story as to how we met and no one would be the wiser.

After coming off the pink cloud I decided that even as shy as I was, this was too good an opportunity to pass up so I started meeting people within a few weeks of joining. After talking on the phone, I made plans with a woman to meet at a nearby coffee house. I remember I had seen her photo which was quite attractive but I asked her what she would wear so I would not need to look foolish as I entered the place. As I come into the coffeehouse, I see my date out of the corner of my eye sitting there waiting for me. She was huge! She saw me right away and immediately greeted me with a hug. During our conversation she said she had just broken up with her boyfriend and put on some weight under the stress. Needless to say I was a little disappointed but decided that maybe the rest would be better. They were not.

One of the first words I learned about was ?chemistry?. This apparently, is what every single woman MUST feel in order to continue in a romantic path. In other words, if she does not feel ?chemistry? within seconds of meeting you, you are out of luck. I have heard several different definitions of the word, but generally it has nothing to do with science. Here is Webster?s definition: a strong mutual attraction, attachment, or sympathy

What I did not realize, was that the women were also receiving ten e-mails or more per day and so it was like a great big bar scene with everyone looking around the room for something better. I was just one of many men vying for the attention of the same women. In addition, as I already knew, people were less than honest in their personal assessment. All I had was a picture and some words that may or may not be true. Many of the people were still in long term relationships, others were married, some did not really live nearby but actually were in another country looking for a visa, others were just checking it out. The photos are very tricky. They often are retouched, taken from far away, or just plain outdated (no pun intended). Writing a profile is an art form in and of itself. I have seen some extremely well written bio?s that really are impressive. They are often witty, charming, eloquent, self-assured, and downright funny. Reading them can make even the worst loser appear like the one you want to bring home to meet your parents.

I have noticed over my long career of online dating that those that know how to write a good profile and take a good photo are the ones that succeed. However, remember ?if its too good to be true? ?? This definitely applies here. Its wonderful to write a great profile and take some photos that look like yourself on the best day of your life 5 years ago, and then have fun counting all the e-mails, but that misses the point and is the reason online dating does not work. If we are all completely honest, and take photos that look like us in the morning after just waking up, we would get very few e-mails, and then not get the ego boost or the entertainment of opening mail from strangers of the opposite sex.

I have found that no one could possibly be that high on life naturally, or that grammatically correct, or that witty, or bubbly, or perfect and filled with such self worth as they appear online. The forum does not lend itself to truth, reality, or frailties.

I have finally mastered the online dating technique. Here?s how it works. You have a relationship with the woman of your dreams that happens to live in another country far away. That is the person you will marry some day in the future. So while you are waiting, you get a professional photo, start going to the gym, get teeth veneers, dye your hair, inject botox, and take anti-aging drugs. Then in your profile tell everyone, you are a millionaire, world traveler, model, who enjoys wine tasting, travel, museums, art, fine restaurants, working out, opera, expresso, the outdoors, theater, romantic dinners, sunsets, adventure, live concerts, music, shopping, animals, seaside resorts, dancing, Bar-B-Q?s, sports, and feel just as comfortable in a tuxedo as at home in blue jeans, never been married, no children, but wants to get married and have children. Now the fun part is knowing that you have absolutely no interest in anyone who answers your ad because who could like someone that easily bamboozled. . A word of advice: Try not to buy into your own fa