A good way to set things up is that the teenager, over time. can learn and earn the ability to be more and more in charge of themselves.

Over time

Notice that I said over time.

What this means in the day to day world of parenting is that parents give teens enough rope, not to hang themselves, but enough rope to grow themselves.

You don't hand someone who has had little or no responsibiltiy a huge responsibility all at once. You don't give a kid who has had no opportunity to demonstrate responsibility a brand new car.

I know that sounds like common sense, but I see parents do this all the time. And then they wonder why it did not work out so great.

A little bit at a time

The best way is to give a little bit of responsibility at a time. If they show they can handle it, then you can give them more. If they show they cannot handle it, you pull back a little responsibility until they show they can handle it.

This is really good training for the real world. Without it, kids develop a strong sense of entitlement along with some magical thinking that tells them they deserve what they want just because they want it.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.