I remember the moment I had my first awareness that no matter, at any one time in life, one might respect a persons' teachings, perspectives or opinions, it is always good to reserve the right to keep looking for better facts, perspectives and conclusions. In my experience, it is ok to have the experience of both "Aha!" and "Uh oh."

I was, perhaps 19 or 20, sitting in a Bible study being given by a prominent minister in the organization. He was focusing on the fall of Satan, the two trees in the Garden of Eden, their meaning and the kind of world that existed before the re-creation he found in Genesis 1. It was to become a story he would tell often to my consternation. Somehow it came up that one thing Satan could not do was create life or reproduce. From that idea he went on to explaining the origin of dinosaurs and the conclusion was that somehow they were part of Satan's domain before the world as we know it came to be. Since somehow dinosaurs were of Satan's world, and since Satan could not reproduce, then dinosaurs could not reproduce either.

I remember the moment I heard the first "uh oh" go off in my head about what I knew to be bogus information. That afternoon I had sat in the Ambassador Library reading National Geographic, as was my custom when I had free time, and was enthralled by the discovery, pictures and all, of Dinosaur eggs unearthed in Mongolia. (Since that first discovery, tens of thousands have been unearthed in the American West). I suspected Dinosaurs were not laying infertile eggs. Ooops, this guy was really was wrong and the proof of this misguided theory was two floors down from his office in plain sight. I thought to send up a note during the question and answer part of most Bible studies, but opted not to because...

Several months earlier another prominent minister type got it in his head that he didn't like the look on my face in Sabbath services and even challenged me in a sermon, unknown to the audience who he was talking to, to leave if I did not like the sermon. Actually , though he was staring at ME, I was oblivious to his meaning as well until he had me taken out of Freshman Bible class up to his office for a talk. The first words this man ever spoke to me personally were, "Didn't you realize I was talking to you in the sermon?" and "Why do you hate me.?" My answers were "I wondered" and "I don't" But I heard that "uh oh" voice in my head again. He then told me my hair was too long and I had better cut it blah blah if I was remain at Ambassador. Sheesh, what a great start to my career in religion!

I suspect that what really might have been going on was that he was concerned I knew things that he would wish me not to know and he had to find out. He seemed content that I didn't have a "bad attitude." After our meeting, I complied and got a haircut. It was not long to begin with, just a bit over the forehead (the British Invasion was underway in the 60's) but of course, since that was the seat of the intellect, as was explained to me, God would not want me to cover it up with hair. Nuther "uh oh". The fact that this man approved me to go into the field ministry was probably my first evidence of a genuine miracle. :) In later years, that same intellect and skepticism ended a career I did not have the personal courage to end earlier or at least take elsewhere.

There is nothing faithless about listening to that still small voice of skepticism to the claims of those who set themselves up to speak for God. It is wisdom and can save one a lot of heartache if you learn to listen to yourself. I personally had my doubts about the denominations approach to healing and medical treatment (which is why I grieved to see trash the progress on the topic, and other equally "Uh oh" topics some had come to see needed sincere attention in the 70's), and made my own decisions about the topic when it came up. I took responsibility for my own decision to have my boys immunized in the 70's since my core belief was that what I chose to do as an adult in terms of faith and healing was not the same as my choosing for my children what they could not and might not choose for themselves.

I had a ministerial assistant (affectionately known in the ministry as "Mini Ass" but never took it to the next step of asking who the big one was), once declare to me that he would not anoint anyone who went to the doctor. Big "Uh oh" to me and I think I gutlessly for the times just said "uh huh." He once "went around me" to Church Administration to find out if a member who owned a convenience store be required to "de-leaven" for Passover. I suspect he knew my own feeling and disagreed. He felt yes, I felt don't trouble the man's business it's a home thing etc... and Church Administration told him to tell the man to clean out the store or close for the week. Nuther big "Uh oh" and I told the member I did not agree and would get no problem from me over it. I forget what he actually chose to do.

I did not ask anyone to do what I could not do myself in good faith, be it only getting anointed and seeing what happens, to giving money I did not have to give. There has always been a healthy skepticism that has proved correct as the years went by and has not left me personally with major regrets on my perspectives or day to day advice to sincere seekers.

And now, since being free of what at one time I considered a genuine calling, I am skeptical of the source itself. And that is where I am. I didn't necessarily want to be, but the more one studies (darn intellect), the more "uh oh's" I now am willing to admit to. From the mythology of Adam and Eve to the Problem of Paul vs. Jesus or the early Church. Big "Uh oh's." From impossible twisting of Old Testament texts to make New Testament truths, to Gospels that contradict each other and are not in any sense harmonious. Big "Uh oh's". They can be ignored, and the messenger can be murdered or one can face them and grow a bit. Of course, such thinking is a near fatal threat to those who have set themselves up as the final authority.

Voltaire once noted, "Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit atrocities." I'd say that a cursory look around the world of religion would prove that still to be true. What a person concludes about religion, the Bible or the organizations others wish them to join and support is a personal choice. I would just remind us that along with thinking for oneself in life, it also pays to listen to both not just the "Aha's" but those niggly "uh oh's" as well.

Dennis is a former Pastor and no longer motivated or motivating people with the guilt, shame, and fear of organized religion.