Larry King once asked Stephen Hawkin if there was anything about the universe he didn't understand. Hawkin replied "women". That little anecdote seems to be the foundation of all my relationships (or lack there of).

I say "lack there of" because though I went to bed thinking I had a girlfriend, and woke up today to find out that I was incorrect in my "assumption". To make it that much clearer, the little she-devil I once thought of as my significant other, my "lady friend" if you will, drove the point home not in person, not on the phone, but over AIM.

If I didn't hate AIM before, I certainly hate it now.

In the span of five minutes, not only had I been told that this "online chat" was the offical dumping, but that it was "not my fault". Well obviously I must have had something to do with it or the medium of the dumping wouldn't have been so cold. I think something was mentioned about family pressure and my general immaturity.

Ah, there's the rub. So it was my fault - my fault that I somehow caused her family to pressure her into using AIM to dump me. It's my fault that I like to play video games and watch cartoons! Ok, I concede on the point of my immaturity, but she was never the most mature individual either. Who watches Laguna Beach like it was part of her religion? And her ability to communicate her ideas clearly? Well, lets just say that's nearly non-existant.

In fact, here are some of my more favorite quotes

"Its not squared out a little bit - its 62 or 63"

"You got peas on your head but your not is a your pea head"

"I saw the camera's on dip-lay"

"Are you afraid it will de-masculinate you?"

"I am trying to manure the car"

If I seem a tad bit bitter, I'm sure you'll understand. It's not every day that I get dumped via AIM. As horrible as this is, I'm more scared that I'm at the edge of a slippery slope! What's next? Getting dumped via E-Mail?, sticky Note?, message in a bottle?!

Forgetting the medium of the dumping for one second, today was supposedly our five month anniversary. This girl is not only heartless, she has terrible timing! What a cruel way of stickin' it to me when I'm already down. You'd think when she was coming up with a plan that she would at-least choose one way to make me feel like shyte rather than two.

I can only imagine what she was thinking...

Hmm, I think I'll dump him via AIM. Yah, that way I don't have to see him. When can I do this? Well, better to get it over with today. Oh right, that five month thing, hmm. Oh screw it, he'll live.

And I will, but what-the-hell ? Couldn't you wait 24 more hours? I suppose thats just another horrible testament to the kind of boyfriend I am/was. (laughs)

Well, it's back to being single.

http://www.lonelycanuck.com