"Fed Up" Candy Lashes Out At Unsuspecting Parade Goers

This just in ... The annual Thanksgiving Day parade in New York City started off as any other, until 11:30 am EST when a helium filled balloon attacked two unsuspecting parade viewers by entangling a lamppost and knocking it down into the crowd. Apparently, the disgruntled 515 lb. M&M inflatable parade decoration's occupants felt quite unhappy about always being held down year after year, never being allowed to soar to their full potential.

Witnesses say the 50 ft. tall blow up mascot, containing both Yellow and Red, started the early morning hours with a full scale passive resistance movement by refusing to be inflated and purposing tangling their own tethers in the hopes of showing the other balloons the power of one. Yellow and Reds owner, Mr. Mars, said that he suspected something was peculiar when he caught the two last month in the break room whispering about "being taken more seriously". NYC police investigators did find a parade route map with a large red X at an intersection accompanied with pictures of a lamppost and related mounting hardware from multiple vantage points.

These items were found in the parade staging area stuffed underneath a crate labeled M&M Balloon. Due to the fact this evidence was hidden in such a haphazard way, police can only surmise there was a last minute review for both suspects before launching their assault. Both victims of the attack were treated for minor injuries and released from Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan. Both Yellow and Red are currently being held without air back in their storage crate. An investigation is pending.

Jay Kay