10 Tips for a More Meaningful and Less Stressful Holiday

Does your Christmas spirit get lost in the frenzy this time of year? Is your household so hectic during December that it could drive even Bob Cratchit to tear out his hair? Well, you might as well face the fact that not even the Grinch can stop Christmas from coming; so we must learn strategies for surviving the holidays with our sanity (and our hair) intact. It is possible to go from stressed to blessed. To tame your Grinch within and create a simpler, more joyful Christmas this year, follow these ten Grinch-busting tips and you'll slide from overwhelmed to overjoyed faster than you can shout "God bless us all, everyone!"

1) LOWER EXPECTATIONS: Don't fall for the hype and myth-takes that can ruin your holiday. You'll make yourself crazy comparing your home, your holiday, your family, with anyone or anything that makes you feel less than perfect. Remember, YOU ARE NOT MARTHA STEWART! Stop trying to win the perfect holiday award for the best cookies, the most elaborate decorations, or the biggest gifts. Remember these four important words throughout the holiday season: DO LESS, ENJOY MORE. Make every day of the season a present to yourself.

2) CHANGE ROUTINES: Why do we feel that we must continue forever to do things just as we've always done them? Don't be bound by past traditions. Think outside the box and consider new ways of doing things to make it easier on yourself.

A) Instead of exchanging gifts with co-workers or extended family , how about choosing a charity to help? If each person gives just a couple of dollars, it adds up and beats searching for the perfect gift for all those people.

B) Who says you HAVE to cook a huge meal for 30 people every year? Could you, maybe just this once, have a simple gathering instead? Better yet, let Aunt Irma take a turn at hosting this year's celebration. Have you considered suggesting that this year the women cook and all other family members do the clean up? Why should the men of the house gorge themselves till they must unzip their pants and then collapse on the couch while the women who cooked for weeks continue to slave away in the kitchen tackling a mountain of dishes? Would it kill them to help in the kitchen once a year as a special Christmas present to you?

C) When did we decide we needed 37 different varieties of Christmas cookies each year? You know, all your family REALLY wants are chocolate chip cookies! Why do more than is necessary to keep them happy? If you MUST have a variety of cookies, go to or host a cookie exchange where everybody bakes one type but takes home several of all the other varieties. That makes NOT baking a jillion different types of cookies fun!

3) DON'T DO IT ALL YOURSELF: Involve every member of the family right down to the toddlers. If you can't do it together, then maybe it's not something you need to do at all. Instead of buying gifts for children to give, engage the kids in the process. Turn decorating, shopping, gift-wrapping, baking, and even house cleaning into family time activities

4) PLAN AHEAD: Work smarter, not harder. Do as much as you can in the months before Christmas to leave December open for spontaneous joy. Get the car serviced in the Fall so it will be ready for holiday travel, bake and freeze cookies throughout November, start addressing Christmas card envelopes during the summer while you're sitting in the sun sipping lemonade. If it's too late to plan ahead and you're already in the middle of mass chaos, don't panic. Memorize the Serenity Prayer and repeat it daily! (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!)

5) SPEND LESS MONEY: Nothing adds stress to the season like worrying about how you'll pay the credit card bill come January. Remember that it's the thought that counts. Think of creative gifts you can give that cost less but express your love.

A) Tell those on your gift list that instead of presents this year, you'll be providing warm clothing and food for a needy child or sending a donation to your favorite charity in their honor. Chances are they really don't need anything anyway, and it will warm their hearts to know you're doing good in their name.

B) Keep a journal of all your expenditures. Know each day how much you've spent so far. You will probably be shocked to learn how fast it adds up and this knowlege may help you control your spending.

B) Stay out of stores as much as possible. Every time you step foot into a mall, you are subjected to clever marketing tactics. Shop fast. The more time you spend in the store, the more money it will cost you.

C) Consider inexpensive but heartwarming gifts like handmade frames filled with favorite photos or cassette tapes of your family reading books. Home made breads, jams, or sauces make great gifts that everyone appreciates; and creating them provides family time to boot.

D) One year, my family had great fun cutting evergreen boughs and making wreaths for everyone on our gift list. All we had to buy was wire and ribbon.

E) How about giving a few of your own special treasures as gifts? Perhaps a book you love or a special knick knack or piece of jewelry someone has admired? A gift that's worth more than anything from a store is a handwritten letter telling someone how much they mean to you.

If you must shop, a list is your best friend. To avoid impulse buying, buy only what's on your list and pay only with cash. You'll think twice before purchasing an extravagant gift you really can't afford.

6) SIMPLIFY GIFT SHOPPING:

A) Plan ahead, make a list, and stick to it. Shop throughout the year rather than doing it all at the last minute.

B) Instead of individual gifts, buy one item for an entire family such as a board game, fast food coupons, gift certificates for restaurants or stores, phone cards, school supplies, or food baskets. Or exchange names within your family so everyone needs to buy only one gift, rather than many. I've heard of families who stipulated that it had to be a garage-sale or a thrift-store item under a certain price. That made it a lot of fun, as everyone tried to find the best buy.

C) Divide up the shopping. Maybe the wife could purchase all the gifts required for women and the husband buy all the men's gifts. Teens can select gifts for kids their age too.

D) Choose a gift theme each year. If the theme is plants, you would give everyone something from a nursery. If the theme is books, you would buy all your gifts at a book store. If you choose a theme of entertainment, you would buy movie passes for everyone or concert tickets. If there are a lot of men on your gift list, a hardware theme might be appropriate. If you're forgetful like I am, buying everyone on your list the same thing makes it easier to remember what you gave whom in past years!

7) CELEBRATE FAMILY and COMMUNITY: Schedule time for fun and relaxing together. Put it on your calendar and make it top priority. Don't let anything get in your way. If you're too busy to drive through the neighborhood with the kids looking at the lights and listening to Christmas music, re-arrange your schedule. Spend an evening as a family reading Christmas stories or poems and writing letters to Santa together, thanking him for last year's gifts.

If you must shop or attend concerts or parties, don't go alone. Take the family along and include lonely neighbors or elderly friends too. This applies to cooking, baking, and gift wrapping too.

Invite someone to do it with you. It will make your tasks more fun and they'll appreciate spending time with you. Whatever you're planning to do, share it with someone and make it quality time.

8) CREATE LASTING, LOVING MEMORIES: Be selective. Don't fill every moment of the season with frantic activity. Think quality, not quantity. Your goal should be sharing happy times and being together. Reading stories together, a relaxed tree-trimming, singing carols, making snow angels, or just enjoying the evening stars and sharing a cup of hot cocoa can be more enjoyable than attending every play, concert, and party of the season. Volunteer as a family to sort food at a food bank, organize a toy or coat drive, deliver meals on wheels, or serve Christmas dinner at a shelter. These are memories you'll cherish forever.

9) TAME THE GREEDIES: Steer the family's focus toward the needs of others and how your family can render service. Help everyone to develop an attitude of gratitude instead of always wanting something more. Talk about ways to share the season's joy with others. Instead of wish lists, make a list of ways to practice generosity. These might include helping someone with shoveling, shopping, decorating, or baking. Or choose a volunteer project you can work on together as a family.

Keep the TV turned off as much as possible to avoid commercials. They only give your kids ideas of more useless things they think they must have. If you want to watch a Christmas show, rent the video or record programs and watch them later.

10) CREATE FUN NEW TRADITIONS: Buy a new cookie cutter each year to add to a collection, or shop as a family to buy an early Christmas present for yourselves: a board game you can play each evening in December. Share at the dinner table every night something you've each read such as a Christmas story or poem, a riddle, or holiday trivia.

A friend began a tradition of having boiled shrimp for Christmas dinner, along with garlic toast, salad, and Christmas eggs (boiled eggs dyed red and green). Preparation for this meal takes almost no time at all, and the cleanup is equally easy. Everyone can enjoy the afternoon visiting, playing games, napping, etc. In the evening, they enjoy leftover shrimp fried in garlic butter with the traditional Christmas pies and cookies.

Here are a couple of traditions that can lighten your work load: Instead of an elaborate holiday meal, how about having friends in for a potluck Christmas Eve supper where you provide only the dessert? Another tradition kids love is going out for pizza on Christmas Eve.

It's the little things that make life more meaningful. I like the idea of starting a Christmas tradition of practicing not-so-random acts of kindness each holiday season and maybe even extending this "kindness throughout the year.

ITEMS 7 THROUGH 10 CAN ALL BE ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH VOLUNTEERING to focus on others and help someone outside your family. Kids love to give and help. They just need encouragement, guidance, and opportunities to reach out.

Volunteering is a great way to teach children compassion. It develops character, leadership, self esteem and a sense of community. Volunteering also helps offset the materialism of our culture. The key is finding a cause the whole family can identify with.

One creative idea is to set up a gift-wrapping station in a mall to raise money for a charity. A great way to volunteer that can involve kids of every age would be to visit nursing homes and maybe even take holiday decorations that your family has made. Here's another suggestion: Find some children who need cheery mail and work as a family making cards for them. There are hundreds of such children in need of smiles featured on the HUGS and HOPE Club's web site at www.hugsandhope.com. Your family can also sponsor a child for Christmas through the Hugs and Hope Elf Program. It's fun to shop for and wrap items from your sponsored child's wish list.

Then . . . you can RELAX:

To enjoy this season, we must remember what is truly important. All ten of our suggestions involve togetherness, sharing, helping, enjoying, savoring the moments. The events of 9-11 have taught us that our time and the people in our lives are precious. This Christmas will be a season filled with opportunities to reach out to and enjoy others. Don't miss them! Commit to spending more "down time" with others just hanging out -- it's more important than you may think. Experience really feeling the joy of the season. Make it a "feel good" holiday season rather than a "look good," one-day, picture-perfect event. Create a warmer, more loving celebration by focusing on sharing and just being.

Now that you've learned how to tame your inner Grinch . . . take a deep breath, turn on the tree lights, gather your loved ones around you, relax in your favorite chair, and watch angel Clarence earn his wings for the forty-third time. Only this year, you'll be able to affirm with George Bailey that it really is "A Wonderful Life."

Marsha Jordan is author of "Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter" a compilation of inspirational essays illustrated by critically ill children. Proceeds from book sales help sick kids. Jordan founded the HUGS and HOPE Foundation, which provides smiles for hospitalized children.