Background:

The 2005 Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the IAEA. Don't know who they are? They are the International Atomic Energy Agency. What did they accomplish? I don't know. Did they prevent the proliferation of atomic weapons in North Korea or Iraq? No. But they meant to and that is usually good enough for the Nobel Committee. These Norwegians (the Peace Center is in Oslo, Norway, not Stockholm Sweden) are idealists, intentions go a long way with them.

Let's review some of their other stunning awardees.

2004- Wangari Muta Maathai. Already forget who she was? That was just last year. She is an AIDS activist and environmentalist. No, she did not get the prize for medicine or chemistry. She received the prize for peace. Despite many advanced college degrees, she is an AIDS conspiracy nut who thinks that the virus was created by the western governments to destroy Africans. She was supposedly selected because she drew attention to political oppression in her fights with her home government of Kenya. Drew attention? Did she accomplish anything?

2002- Jimmy Carter. Really? For his work, where? North Korea? Haiti? Has anything really improved in those two countries since his visits? Maybe former president Carter and the Nobel Peace Committee should move to either Haiti or North Korea. Do you prefer to live in Haiti and put up with roving gangs? Or is North Korea and their internal security forces better for you. Human rights? Whatever.

2001- The UN. Where have they ever gone anywhere and made a difference without the US backing them up? But they have good intentions.

1994- Yassar Arafat. The father of modern day terrorism who became a multi-millionaire by stealing international aid money from his own people.

1990- Mikhail Gorbachev. He thought that he could reform communism and make it stronger by giving his people a little freedom. He never understood the events that unfolded. You can't give the people a little bit of freedom.

1988- UN Peacekeepers. An ad-hoc group of soldiers who usually just stand by and watch events such as genocide unfold around them. They will do nothing without the military backing of the US. In fact, they tend to sit around and get bored a lot. So they bide their time with some favorite activities that include looting, rape and child prostitution.

1985- International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War. Now that is a noble calling. One problem. This organization was a KGB puppet that was organized to try to curb US nuclear power. It was chaired by Yevgeny Chazov, a member of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Now that was a pleasant group of peace loving people.

Ronald Reagan. Oh no, I'm sorry, my bad. They didn't give one to him in 1985/86 when he refused to back down to the Soviets with his SDI. Or in 1987, when he gave his "Mr. Gorbachev Tear Down this Wall" speech. These two events led to the end of World War III, aka, the Cold War. Conservatives are not allowed to win the prize, even if they do get results.

What about the US military? Have they ever been honored? Let's review what they have done.

1. They almost single-handily defeated the empire of Japan in WW II while simultaneously helping the Soviet Union defeat Nazi Germany.
2. Their presence in Europe after the war maintained peace in Europe for 45 years. Has Europe ever seen 45 years of peace?
3. They were the bulwark of NATO forces that protected Europe (that includes Norway) from Soviet invasion for 45 years.
4. They have kept the peace on the Korean peninsula for the last 50 years.
5. They ended the Cold War and communist hegemony over Eastern Europe.
6. They are currently almost single-handily fighting the international war on Islamofascism.
7. They are routinely dispatched to extinguish small brush fire sized wars throughout the world.
8. They are routinely dispatched to feed starving countries and respond to natural disasters such as earthquakes and tsunamis.
9. They are the only peacekeepers nobody messes with. They actually keep the peace.
10. They keep international sea lanes open to trade.

That's only ten. I'm sure there are many more. So here is my plan. In order to give the United States' military a Nobel Prize, we are going to have to invade the Peace Center and appoint our own committee members. Then we can declare the US military the winner of a Peace Prize.

We can probably do this without hurting anybody. I think Norway is the only country in Europe that surrendered faster than France in 1940. When we arrive on the beaches of Norway all those Quislings will probably lie down and surrender.

If we have to threaten the use of force we can use this opportunity to test our new F-22 Raptors and drop some bombs in their fjords. They will surrender before we kill all of their lutefisk. Christmas is almost here and that is lutefisk season.

Besides, what have the Norwegians done for anybody except send Vikings out to loot, pillage, and burn villages and monasteries? And they don't like America. They never have. They sailed here before anyone else and then turned around and settled Greenland because they thought that was a nicer place to live. Sure, they tend to do well in the Winter Olympics. But that is only because every event revolves around skiing and Norway is covered in snow for 46 weeks out of the year. This coincides nicely with the 46 weeks of vacation the average Norwegian worker receives each year.

I'm sure the United Nations would spring into action and send some peacekeepers in two or three years. We can then leave and let the Norwegians bitch slap them around. Meanwhile if the UN tries sanctioning the US, we can sanction them. We can withhold more of our dues, lock them out of their own building in New York City, and make them pay their parking tickets.

Don't get me started on the UN. Not today.

Something Ain't Right

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