In the past, couples were more than likely to live in the same town, even the same house for much of their marriage. He usually stayed at the same job throughout and she coordinated their social schedule with a group of family and friends that seldom varied. Their priorities were security and predictability.

Now, as people change their jobs and their dwelling places almost as readily as kids outgrow their clothes, marriages must be based on far more than the old intimacy, which was largely dictated by sex role stereotypes.

The differences between the two unique individuals are the substance of their growing romance and intimacy. Like bread and jam, the magic happens when you put them together, yet neither one loses their special taste and texture.

When we met, Jim was super laid back, read and wrote poetry, loved dogs and hated his job as an investment banker. Judith was compulsive and controlled, loved to travel and was a successful psychologist of 10 years with a thriving private practice. She also felt cloistered, seldom getting out of her office into the larger world.

There were many, many differences between us that had to be discussed, navigated and resolved. Sometimes heated fights erupted