There is much pain inside, I really am not past it. There is still more to come much, more, to come. In fact there is so much more to come it is infuriating. I thought I was done with it all, I thought just maybe, just maybe I could really be past it. I thought maybe this time it would be different. This time it was true but, no its not. Its not true at all. You see I have found merely found a way to portray "happiness" which is fake and normally lasts for a very short time.

All I have really done is created a block. A way to avoid it but if you think about it everyone does everyone, creates there own little block. Its like there own spy ware system, they use what they call strategies, or calming techniques, or something along those lines. I mean yes, sure it gets there mind away from it but all it is really doing is avoiding it. They are putting it off so they don't have to deal with it. So as of now I have come up with another philosophy and, that is that everyone in this whole, entire, world is unhappy no matter what. But some have been able to avoid it but you see the truth is its still there. They are still unhappy they just don't realize it in till, it gets to the point were its uncontrollable. I mean sometimes it never happens but, many times it does. Once in a while there is a case were the person is able to continue the way they "normally" would do it but, the truth once again, is that it is still there. Whether on a conches or unconscious level.

With this realization I have stumbled upon, I have had many of my own questions answered. The pieces of the puzzle have began to fit together. I have found some of what I lost in translation. Yet this gives me no comfort. In fact it gives me more discomfort in some ways. So now I shall go on knowing the truth and not knowing what to do about it. Maybe one day I will figure something out but for now the truth has caused much chaos in my mind!

I am big on philosophy and I am a big fan of Nietzsches work. I also fins that Marilyn Manson (Brian Werner) has some very good philosophys (although controversal and he is not thecnically a philosopher but of course neither am I) I also enjoy many other philosophers and I am considering a carrer with something to do with philosophy