I wrote this article several years ago after an eight year old girl piloting an airplane crashed and was killed. While the story is old, the lessons we can lift from the story still ring true today, and always.
Play, not pilot
Should Jessica have been up there or not?
That's the question I have been asked dozens of times since 8-year-old Jessica Dubroff died when her plane crashed during her attempt to become the youngest pilot to fly across America.
In general, I'm very reluctant to comment on a situation involving parents and their children when I don't have all the facts. But this case is fairly cut and dried, and we have all the information we need.
Let's put aside, for a moment, the following:
In most states, you have to be 21 to drink legally, 18 to vote, 16 to drive a car and 15 just to be behind the wheel of a car with a parent present. You even have to be a certain size to get on the more intense rides at Disney World.
Let's instead talk about something I have not heard asked during all the reactions to this tragic loss of life: What's the No. 1 job of children?
If it's to be little adults, then we can continue to push children to achieve beyond their years.
However, children are not little adults.
They are children.
The No. 1 job and task of children is simply to play.
Child therapist and registered play-therapist supervisor Art Cleveland has this to say about the importance and power of play in the life of a child:
"We as adults often say that children are 'just playing.' Children are never just playing. They are constantly dealing with their hopes, dreams, fears and anxieties through play. Without play, children cannot master their world. When this process is rushed, even by well-meaning adults, children lose not only their childhood but the opportunity for a happy adulthood as well. Jessica's childhood was on a crash course before she ever climbed into the cockpit."
Said another way, raising healthy children comes down to what is developmentally appropriate for a child.
What is developmentally appropriate is not necessarily what a child says he or she wants to do. Children can talk a good game, but they are not necessarily ready and/or able to follow that up with appropriate behavior.
When I was 8, I wanted to grow up to be a grizzly bear. While my wife might say that at times I have made it, this was a child's wish, not connected to reality in any way.
If something can be done, then should it be?
In my work with teen-agers, I have found they are great at wanting to be older than they are.
But what I encourage them to do is, if they are 16, simply be 16. Be a child, then be a teen-ager, then be an adult.
There's going to be plenty of time to be an adult.
The goal is to make it that far, learn and have fun on the way.
In conclusion, perhaps we can look at one more issue that could provide some insight in the case of this little girl.
In the movie "Jurassic Park," the character played by Jeff Goldblum has this to say about the scientists who created the dinosaurs:
"They were so busy figuring out if they could, they never slowed down long enough to ask if they should."
Let's hope that more parents will now be encouraged to ask this question about their children.
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