Through my life I went through a number of years where I experienced tremendous loss, rejection and abandonment. At that time, my entire identity and sense of security came from 3 places, my faith and active church ministry which were deeply rooted and precious, my family and my music teaching career.

In the space of just a few months, my church and marriage simultaneously broke down. The parallels were uncanny. There was a power struggle within the church that released shocking ugliness and cruelty. The divisiveness within the church manifested an equally destructive force within my marriage, ultimately resulting in the utter destruction of both.

Suddenly, I had no husband, no home, no church family and since much of my clientele came from the church, I lost most of my business as well. By now, my identity was a single mom with two little boys, on welfare, homeless and with no faith whatsoever.

All of this trauma changed me from the inside out. Post traumatic stress, manic depression and anxiety all set in simultaneously. Fear became my only constant. Consequently, chronic insomnia caused by constant flashbacks and nightmares also took hold, and wouldn't let go. My nightmares involved death, violence, and blood everywhere.

Interestingly enough, my therapist interpreted this as meaning that I believed that my spirit had been killed by my own choices and by others, and I now believed I was a dead soul inside of a living body. Before moving on, I must state with great conviction that my church related issues are not a reflection of most churches. My childhood home Church is a powerful venue of sincere teaching, worship and encouragement. The events of which I spoke were isolated to one institution.

After several years on my own with my kids, making ends meet any way I could, I did remarry.

Only after we were married did my new husband realize what he had gotten himself into.

The next 5 years that followed were a living hell for both of us I became irritable beyond belief, and I treated everyone around me like an enemy.

I would seclude myself for weeks at a time which forced me to stop working as well.

I became so addicted to benzodiazepines that I was taking 9 and 10 times the prescribed amount.

I displayed addictive behaviors which began to erode our finances and obsessive compulsive behaviors which my husband describes a