Hormones in the teenager are raging out of control and to have a teenager who seems always to be in control is not necessarily good. When I was a teen, in the seventies, it was common for parents to have a heavy handed approach to their children. If their teen showed anger in a particular situation it was a given that the parent would admonish them to "control yourself" or "turn that frown upside-down" as if the teen could turn the feeling on and off like a faucet. To make matters worse, parents who were fortunate enough to get their children to talk, would then belittle them with statements like "that's nothing, when I was your age..." This wasn't then, nor is it now, anything that a teenager wants to hear. Knowing what causes teens to be angry is one thing, but we need to learn how our teen expresses their anger early in its development.

Some teens join violent sports teams or roughhouse with friends. This lets the aggression out in a safe way if it is supervised properly but often in the spirit of competition, adults who should know better, channel the aggressive nature of the teen and add to it by giving them steroids, or weight loss drugs which only add to the overstimulated teen mind. To recognize early if your teen has an anger problem, it helps to know their hobbies and interests. Their music can change, drawings can get more violent or dark in nature. Today video games are played by kids who transpose their anger into the game. Watch, and learn about your teenagers. Take the time to ask them about their hobbies in a non-judgemental way. Be genuinely interested in what they are doing. Don't always be a "judging parent" with a negative opinion on everything they do. Be there for them and when they are ready, and you will be one of the ones they turn to for help when they need it. Don't be afraid or too proud to tell your kids that they hurt you. They are so busy trying to get through their day that they may not realize it. And we are going into this discussion believing that your teen loves you. It doesn't matter if they say they "hate you". Get involved with their lives. You have plenty of time to be the best bowler or dart thrower after they are on their own.

My own daughter may start many of these "family times" with a crisis about school grades or maybe a friend or classmate told everyone a lie about her. We may even get into a heated debate about life not being fair but if you are patient and you stick to your principles and give your teen the time to talk and think, then THEY usually come up with their own solution, cry give you a hug and thank you for being there for them. They they go to bed and you stay up and wonder what you did that was so important to them when they still have the same problems. But they just feel better about their chances to take care of them, themselves. You see your teens don't want you to fight their battles for them, they want to do it themselves. They just get frustrated when they can't.

Sometimes rest, good food and exercise is all they need to go out and take another stab at life and see if they can make it through another day. Because that is what every parent really wants. For their child, teen or even adult child to get through another day and live one more day, giving it all that they have. Because they see you do it. And even though they will deny it, your children wouldn't hate it if they could handle their life pretty much like you do. That is your reward and the ultimate compliment. And that is the way civilization has endured for a long time.