A Christian has a Bible as a guidebook to his love life. Nonchristians
are not expected to be following it, so you'll have to make with them
whatever arrangements work for you. Expect them, however, to respect
your limit to hold off on having sex with you until marriage.
The King
James Version of 1611 was made when marriage was more biblical,
although by the same token more old fashioned. Our new and improved
English versions were made by translators of our own times and so perhaps
less biblical. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I use the KJV.
Starting in Genesis, Adam was interested in the woman God had made
for him; he saw where she came from and what she was for. Therefore
a man should leave father and mother to cleave to his woman, and the
twain shall become one flesh. The leaving and cleaving is what we
call going out, spending some time together as a couple. Becoming
one flesh is biblical terminology for marriage, what happens there.
As Christians we're obligated by Romans 14 to avoid "doubtful
disputations" but get along with other Christians who behave differently.
If, say, we have a stronger faith that allows us to do things which
a weaker brother's conscience would not permit, we are to happily have
our own faith quietly to ourselves, not putting a stumbling block in
the weaker brother's way. The weaker brother on his part is not to go
out of his way to find something to judge the stronger brother for.
First Corinthians 7 instructs that single brothers and sisters be
permitted to marry. There is necessarily a courtship stage before
marriage, so it's expected there will be various courtship customs
develop. Suppose Christians of various levels of faith accept fewer
or more of these customs depending on their faith. Furthermore, suppose
that it doesn't divide out even between the sexes; say that some men will
take the high end and some women the low. Won't we have to either violate
Romans 14 by forcing a weaker sister to violate her conscience or a
stronger brother to cancel his liberty, or else prevent the possibility
of marriage altogether as their practices are incompatible with each other?
In the Benjamite War at the end of Judges, the tribes had a doubtful
disputation where the majority sinned "because we reserved not to
each man his wife in the war" (Judges 21:22). They had made rules
whereby the men of Benjamin could not obtain wives. Their answer was,
first, there were some villages that didn't participate in the conflict;
they could at least be flexible enough to accommodate the men. Second,
what wives were still needed, the men could pick up at dances where
their liberty would be respected.
Applied to a modern church age, if you find yourself at odds with
a church over courtship practices, then go find a church(es) that
can accommodate your beliefs and there meet the ones to pursue. If
you need more action, then meet someone at a dance where the weaker
brethren are not to go out of their way to judge you.
Dating proper was invented in the book of Esther where a king met
a wide range of available maidens, the ones he particularly liked,
he called up for dates (ch. 2:14b), and the one he loved most
(Esther), he made queen. Esther herself used this invention to negotiate
with the king to get her request, she made a lunch date with him.
We see here the purpose of prearrangement which enabled God to advise
the king in a dream going along with the first commandment to love
God first of all. We see a couple as opposed to a group, shown by
Haman trying to bond one-on-one with Esther at the banquet, going
along with the second commandment to love one's neighbor as oneself.
The physical bonding--touching, holding--allows the sexes to bond
with each other
In Ruth the indirect negotiation for her hand in marriage was
made at a specific place set up for major transactions: at the city
gate in the presence of the elders. In our society such a place set
up for these necessary negotiations is a,
elders + gate = date.
This follows from the lesson of First Corinthians 7. While a Christian's
marriage to an unbeliever is contingent on the unbeliever's willingness
to stay in it, a Christian's marriage to another Christian is to be
binding unto death. In order to prove our own and the other's ability
to commit, we need a device that allows us to enter, modify and exit
commitments. The date serves this purpose. One enters commitments
on a date, and modifies or withdraws from them on other dates. That
gives us liberty and a proving ground. If there were no place
for this to be done--a date--, then how can one tell when he or the
other is ending a commitment or just violating it?
In (Prov. 18:24) "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly:
and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." There
is such a thing as a girlfriend, a non-platonic friend. As friendship
requires effort, one's friends end up in a pyramid scheme, the best
ones in the narrow group at top. If you try to date only your best
friends, you risk ruining the valuable friendship without increasing
your dating pool very much. If you follow the scheme of Esther, you'll
be dating from the larger pool of acquaintances.
In the Song of Solomon we see a mother's influence on her daughter on
dates, and that she is not despised for kissing her beau.
These are the lessons from the Old Testament. The New Testament is
a bit easier to follow and apply.
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