Dear Jane,

I seem to have a problem with letting my fear of failure keep me from success. My whole life I have had to say 'what if' because when it gets down to going through with something, I get scared and quit. It happens with certain classes, or trying out for a role in a college play, or what I want to do now ... try out for the tennis team.

What do I do? I read books, and articles, and see counselors, but nothing helps?

Rachael

Dear Rachael,

Forcing yourself to face your fears head-on isn't the way forward. If you could do that, you wouldn't be writing to me. So the best -- and most comfortable -- approach is to lower your stress level and gain a new perspective on those fears. Here's how:

List the things which rouse this fear. Take a mild one to start with, and ask yourself, what would realistically happen if you did fail. Would it really be so bad? Imagine you saw someone else failing the same way. Would you really despise or dislike them? If it was being picked for a team, for instance, and they weren't, wouldn't you just think,