How To Get Rich Quick
I need money...fast...
Looks around for inspiration...thinks a spell might be a good idea...grabs the Grimoire off the shelf...
I've never cast a spell before...lets see what's needed...an altar, parchment paper, talismans, gold ink...good grief it would be easier getting a job...
Rummages in drawer, finds old Christmas card, the back looks parchment like, that'll do...gold marker pen...near as damn it gold ink...
Must purify everything first...
Lights candle, holds remnant of Christmas card over flame...shit...not supposed to set it on fire...
Laying the charred remains of the card on the table I start to inscribe the talisman of Lord Sol...wow I could get high on the smell of this gold marker pen...need a silver coin...
Turns pockets inside out, finds old 10p piece covered in fluff...
Methinks this is going well, now if I wrap the coin in the card parchment...
Card being severely charred, crumbles into dust...damn...need parchment...
Just returned from the local occult suppliers, known locally as Jim's Newsagents, purveyor of all things stationery, but bearing in mind the local population, not many things remain stationary...back to the spell...
Opens packet of baking parchment, only thing in Jim's that had the word parchment on it...
Once again I inscribe the talisman of Lord Sol, only to realise I used the 10p towards payment of the parchment...shit...
Rummages in drawer again, finds silver coin...well silver covered chocolate coin left over from Christmas...
Taking care not to melt the coin, I wrap the talisman around it...now all I need to do is purify it...
Lights incense...wafts talisman in the smoke...and chants...
Angla, Adonay, Merloy, Saboath! As I believe so it will be!
Sits back to read the Grimoire and wait for influx of funds...
Its been a week now since I cast my money making spell, I must have done something seriously wrong, all I found was a 2p coin on the pavement...need a stronger spell...
Retrieves talisman from back of drawer and heads out the door...
I've been reading the Grimoire and paying attention this time, I need to follow a dirt trail and bury the talisman at an intersection...this should work...
Follows the dirt trail until it reaches...
The main road???? How am I supposed to dig a hole in the main road???
Looks around desperately for another suitable intersection...espies a rabbit hole...
Bending down I clear away some earth from around the hole and prepare to bury the talisman...
Might be doubly lucky...rabbits foot and all that...
It's been a year now since I attempted to cast a money making spell...the last 6 months I have been recovering from the previous 3 months spent in custody...nothing to do with the spell...everything to do with the fact the rabbit hole was a badgers sett...highly illegal digging around those...how was I to know...did I make any money?? Don't be stupid...what about you?
Walks away cackling maniacally...
About the Author
Main site yareisa.com and co-owner of poostreaks.com