It had been three years since I had last seen my wife and I new that once we parted ways there would be no turning back. Too much damage had been done and it was finally clear to me after years of lies and deceit that our marriage was doomed from the start.

From the first time I laid eyes on her I could sense she had a mischievous and somewhat sassy way about her. Yet it attracted me and I sensed an undeniable flirtation in her smile and in her captivating eyes. She was too drop dead gorgeous not to be seeing anyone, besides that she probably had guys hitting on her left and right and I she seemed to be the type of woman who was used to being pursued and definitely not one to initiate any thought of making the first move. No, as much as I enjoyed meeting her that night, I felt confident that nothing would ever come of this, never the less she stayed on my mind for days after that first encounter.

Sometimes a person turns out to be happy they were wrong and this was definitely one of those times. She called me and asked me if I would go out with her. Some things in life we just can't figure out. They make no sense, yet we tend to complicate things way too much. I mean think about it; boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, girl and boy get together. Yes, it's that simple, but to me it was like splitting atoms. I had so many questions about how a hot girl like her would find me as attractive to her as she was to me. It's kismet baby, don't fight it, don't question it, and definitely don't pass up an opportunity like this. It's ashamed this story was not destined for a fairy tale ending though, in fact it turned out to be quite the opposite. Outside of the physical attraction, the foundation of our relationship was built on rocky ground, but unfortunately at the time both of us had clouded judgments, co-dependency, and a constant need to be high, and high we stayed. We fell in love all right, although for both of us our true love and loyalty was to our drugs of choice.

My life was beginning to be unmanageable, although the drugs told me differently. My life was becoming so out of control. I wasn't calling the shots any more; my addiction was leading me to believe that I wasn't the one with the problem. On the contrary, I saw myself as a victim and in my distorted mind I was more than convinced that it was the world that owed me. I soon lost all humility, humble no more, with an absence of gratitude, disillusioned, and slowly but surely heading down a path that would eventually take me years of despair, and leave me spiritually bankrupt and emotionally break me down so low that it would take years to find peace or any perspective of who I was, what I had become, and how was I to ever regain my dignity and find any self respect or self love again. The guilt along with the shame came very close to killing me and my life had become no more than a mere existence.

My wife's journey was running parallel with mine, never the less we were having a lot of fun in the beginning. You see, the drug induced me loved being with my drug induced wife and we believed our selves to be head over heals in love. It was a great relationship that our addictions had with each other, they loved being high together and were very supportive of each other when it came to lying, cheating, and deceiving the empty shells of our true selves. It was a lot easier letting our addictions lead our lives. They allowed us to avoid reality and support our lack of truth, sincerity, and morals. They didn't take life to serious, and with that they had totally turned us into puppets. numb and without worry. They convinced us that our lives were good, that we were happy and So In love with one and other, and eventually we began to believe all the lies. We never really have any opportunity to fall in love or to love each other unconditionally. We don't know how to love our selves, much less another. We become self centered and self-seeking, willing to keep our addictions fed, while starving our selves and our partners from anything real or unselfish.

If I am poisoning my own body, spirit and mind, then what does that say about my ability to love another? I thought I was in love, I wanted so much to be loved, but I never had the chance. Our addictions fell in love, long before I ever had an opportunity to truly know her, to care for her, or to put her well being ahead of mine, a; symbols of real love for another. lt took years before I found the clarity to understand the true nature of our disease before I finally realized that "Addictions Fall In Love, and addicts fall for the lies"....

If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom

Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay's own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourcefull family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites. If you would like to contact Jay, he will be happy to accept your email to him at BOCABOYJAY@aol.com