Dealing with Your Difficult People

For leaders managing constant change, conflict is built into the very fabric of their organizations. When conflict is not dealt with well, it can create strained relationships and grow to sap the time, energy, and productivity of even the best teams. Dealt with positively, conflict can also be a catalyst that sets the stage for needed changes. You will never deal with conflict perfectly, but here are a few tips worth using in dealing with your most difficult people:

1. Talk to people instead of about them. Dealing with conflict directly may be uncomfortable and lead to some disappointment, but it cuts down the mindreading and the resentment that can occur when problems are not dealt with directly. Timing, tact, and taking distance will always have their place, but make sure you still keep conflict eyeball to eyeball.

2. We are taught from childhood to avoid conflict and often vacillate between the pain of dealing with unresolved problems and the guilt over not dealing with them. Such vacillation saps energy and time; it can affect morale and turnover. Be a problem solver not a problem evader. Problem solvers avoid avoidance; they learn to deal with conflict as soon as it even begins to get in the way.

3. Develop a communication style that focuses on future problem solving rather than getting stuck in proving a conviction for past mistakes. You want change, not just an admission of guilt. Winners of arguments never always win, because consistent losers never forget. You want results, not enemies seeking revenge. By focusing on future problem solving, both can save face.

4. Problem solvers deal with issues, not personalities. It