Stealing the Algorithm

I can feel it. The googlebot is coming to get me. You might say I am insane, but I know for certain that Google is a strange company and that the founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, definitely have a master plan for the whole world.

Sure, you might say, "They are just a couple of innocuous geeks." But you probably haven't read as deeply into them or their company as much as I have. I can't go into too many specific details here because Page & Brin's googlebot records everything on the World Wide Web. All I can say for now is that there is more to that gaping white space on Page & Brin's famous homepage,, then almost anyone realizes.

Google prides itself on minimalism and speed. The perfect combination in an Information Age. That sparse page,, has attracted over a billion people since its inception. That such a streamlined creation could change the world boggles the mind. All the big boys, Yahoo, MSN, AOL, desperately fill their portals with as much clutter as possible. Google stays primitive but holds fast to the most ass-kicking search algorithm(s) ever created.

Just think if one could steal Google's search algorithm. The possibilities are intoxicating. A few pages of dense, arcane code might be worth over a billion dollars! Of course, I believe there already have been many attempts to steal their sacred algorithm, with a few half-successes. Yahoo, MSN and others probably have gleaned the minds of Google defectors for many years.

Yet Google, led by the mysterious geeks, Larry Page & Sergey Brin, always stays one-step ahead of the competition. They constantly tweak their algorithm to make it the purest, most fair, most thorough page-searching algorithm on the net. Google's algorithm weeds out garbage more brilliantly then anyone else. It finds obscure sites quicker than anybody else. How do they do it? The only way to know for sure would be to steal their algorithm.

I am disturbed by Google's all-encompassing influence, but I could never even consider the possibility of attempting to steal their sacred algorithm. It would probably be a sin to even recommend such an action. However, many others have penetrated Google's recesses and a few have succeeded in doing diabolical tricks. What I am talking about here are individuals who secretly work for other internet portal companies and get hired at Google, posing as run-of-the-mill computer scientists. Google has an incredible vetting process, but a few bad apples get in.

These individuals, bad apples so to speak, lust for Google's algorithm. According to strict protocol, only Page & Brin can see the entire algorithm at one time. However, bits & pieces of this crucial code are scattered about at Google headquarters, and the enterprising computer scientist, with enough cloak-and-dagger ingenuity, can sometimes steal a few code nuggets and take them home and then sell them to the competition. That's how the world has partially caught-up to Google in page search speed.

Sacred Words by Geek Rulers Christopher K Haan is a free-radical blogger and e-ranter who dreams of one day saving the world. He is not ashamed of such a wild dream because he knows that personal delusions sometimes actually affect outside reality. E-rants Feed Your Blog Over the Web